The Quickie Chronicles: Safe Words

This slid into my inbox a while ago....

My Mom had my daughter for the weekend, and my homegirl Tasha made the trip with me. The Whoreible Decisions live show was in Chicago, and a bitch was ready for some fuck shit. Before heading to the show, I told Tasha I had one goal: I was trying to get some bomb, detrimental-to-my-health dick, no matter what.

I was looking for the type of dick that makes you nervous when you see it for the first time. The kind of dick that leaves you with the hiccups.

Jamar, the whole snack sharing an armrest Tasha, kept making eye contact with me throughout the show, and I definitely eye-fucked him right back. He asked what we had planned for after the show, and I invited him to meet us at the bar in our hotel.

The three of us sat and drank for almost two hours. We talked mostly about freaky shit, including anal and rough sex. I joked about how I’d never needed safe words, and Jamar just smiled. He smugly asked if I liked vanilla ice cream.

Feeling myself, I asked Jamar what it'd take for me to get him naked, and he said an open mind and Tasha as a witness. I figured she'd pass out before I actually fucked him, so I gave him my room key, and told him to give us a 25-minute head start.

We got back to the room, and I took a wet towel to all the important parts. In only my bathrobe and slippers, I spent a few minutes looking at IG stories with Tasha, while also talking about how fun the weekend had been. Tasha told me that she had eaten half of an edible, and that she'd probably be out before Jamar showed up. 

Jamar knocked on the door, and then used my key to enter the room. I pulled him onto my bed, and he laid me on my back. He undid my robe, kissed me from my ankles to my knees,  and then along the inside of my thighs. Chills ran up my body, as his tongue slowly traveled from South to North inside my honeypot. I told him that I wanted him inside of me, and the kissing abruptly stopped.

When he dropped his pants, I was in awe. The print in his Calvin Klein’s was beautiful, and when he slid his underwear down, his dick came out in sections. I think I pee’d a little bit when I saw it. Jamar reached into his pants for a poncho and some lube, wrapped and greased that gas pump up, and told me to turn over.

I climbed up onto my knees, and did my best to relax. Without warning, he slapped his dick against my lower back, and it made me nervous. He spread my ass cheeks wide open, and let the tip press against my asshole. He said something under his breath, but before I could respond, his dick was on the move.

I don’t know how much of his dick got in, but it was more than enough. His stroke was so slow and smooth, but it felt like his dick was punching me in the heart. I held on as long as I could, but he made me tap out.

Look, I wasn’t trying to be swollen, so I decided to just give him head. I tried so hard to control my gag reflex, but Jamar was all in my windpipe. I was lightheaded, and running out of spit, but I had him squirming. He was fucking the shit out of my face, and I knew he’d have to cum soon. When he finally did, I swallowed it all, but then threw up on the floor.

Sticks and stones do break bones, but words can also get you fucked up.

- Lolo

The Quickie Chronicles: M.A.S.H.

1. Don't ask if this situationship can extend beyond the weekend.
2. Don't be afraid to "shoot your shot."
3. Have a Plan B, figuratively and literally.
4. A walk down memory lane could be worth the reality check at the end of the street.

The party on the second night of our High School Reunion had the same energy and excuse from the night before: if we keep drinking, we can blame everything on being drunk. With the grace and balance of a baby giraffe, I spent most of the party walking like Ronald, Hot Boy Ronald. As I dipped around the room, I stumbled upon a few of my classmates, who seemed to be shuffling pages amongst themselves. Robin and the folks at her table were playing M.A.S.H., and I figured I'd give it a try:

As luck would have it, Robin noticed her name on the page, and thought it was "kinda cute." I used that to my advantage, and suggested that she allow me to make her breakfast after the party ended. She got a good laugh out of my proposition, but opened Google maps on her phone and told me to type in my address.

Back at my apartment, and after realizing I hadn't made groceries, I broke the news to Robin about the breakfast. That didn't seem to bother her, as she walked into the kitchen, and gave me a kiss on the lips. Like me, she was still somewhat intoxicated, and on a "reckless reunion weekend" wave. I clumsily lifted her onto the countertop, and began to kiss her. Doing my best not to fall, Robin and I awkwardly made out, while also trying to remove / reposition articles of clothing. I paused for the cause, helped her back onto her feet, and began to undress.

Robin followed my lead, slowly worked her way out of her dress, and excused herself to freshen up a little. You know? She kinda reminds me of the girl who is a Lawyer / Issa Rae's friend on Insecure. Similar build, skin-tone, but Robin and I could've had the same barber. No worries, because that wasn't the only thing freshly shaved on her body....

Completely naked, we resumed kissing, and once the room stopped spinning, I led her into my bedroom. With me sitting on my legs and feet, Robin gently squatted over my lap, with her back against my chest. I grabbed onto her breasts, as she slowly bounced up and down. My eyes struggled to focus on our reflection in the mirror on my dresser. Drunk sex kinda feels like making love, right? Robin then let her legs and feet fall to her side and leaned forward, allowing me to move up behind her.

Still facing the mirror, I spread her cheeks, and licked the rim of her asshole. She moaned a little, but then propped herself up on her elbows. With my hand on her thighs, I plunged my face and tongue into her ass. Robin began to firmly throw her ass back, letting my tongue poke inside of her. Her ass jiggled each time it collided with my nose and beard. Robin let out a few soft whimpers, as her thrusting slowed down. I raised back up, lifted my di*k towards her kitty, and slide inside.

With each pump and thrust, Robin's earrings and breasts swung back and forth. I could feel myself getting ready to cum, but with her in this position, pulling out was not an option. With a death grip on her waist, i came, but kept working her until her arms gave out, and she slumped face-first into the bed.

Ass in the air, and kitty drooling, I rolled Robin onto her slide, as she blankly stared into my eyes. Her blinking slowed, and she eventually dozed-off. I grabbed the neared blanket, and curled up right next to her. The third and final day / activity of our reunion was only a few hours away....

The Quickie Chronicles: Lagniappe

We'd gotten way past pleasantries. There was no need to review the backstory, nor was there a need to finesse things. She was my Ex, and whenever either one of us texted the word "Lagniappe," we knew what to do....

I walked into the kitchen of her art studio, and found her standing in front of an oven. When the timer "beeped, " she removed a Pyrex dish, and placed it on top of the stove. She handed me a tasting spoon, and together, we stood and partook in cannabis-infused blackened shrimp and grits. After eating in complete silence, we waited....

My sweats shifted, as the size of my manhood started to increase. Taking note of my growing erection, she covered what was left of the food, and walked into her work room. In there, I found her bent over against the wall, naked from the waist down. I sat on a nearby stool, adjusted it for my height, and rolled over to her. I gripped her like a bowling ball; middle and ring fingers in her juice box, my thumb in her ass. Her knees buckled a little, as I moved my wrist counterclockwise, trying to warm her up. When the wetness from her box was sufficient, I stuck my tongue inside of it.

I licked the outer edges of her kitty, dipping in on occasion to strike her clit. Using my beard to tease her, I licked and sucked her, until she started to throb. When her moaning grew soft, I focused solely on her clit, my tongue punching that button like it was a video game controller. Simultaneously, I re-inserted my middle and ring fingers, giving her the best of both worlds. As she started to slide down the wall, knees obviously getting weak, I licked up towards her ass.

I swirled my tongue around her asshole, her fist now beating against the wall. I rolled my tongue into her ass, wagging it just the way she likes it. She moved back and forth, letting my tongue bang in and out her ass. As her bouncing got harder and faster, it signaled to me that she was likely about to cum. Before she could, I exited, and pulled her back into my lap. Meat sitting nice and snug inside of her. She got maybe a bounce and a half in before she yelled out with pleasure, accompanied by muscle contractions. With me still inside of her, she composed herself, and then tapped me on my right thigh. It was her turn....

As I readjusted the stool and swished a little liquor around my mouth, she took off her glasses, and put her hair in a ponytail. I kicked off my slides, took off my hoodie, and pulled down my sweats, my manhood dangling between my thighs. She sat down, rolled over to me, lifted it with her right hand, and began to slap it against her tongue. After a few slaps, I was fully erect, pulsating and ready for her.

She opened her mouth wide and shook her head, taking in as much of me as she could. Sloppily, she slathered spit across the full length of my shaft, letting her tongue flutter underneath the head. She gulped, and began to suck and bop back and forth, using both hands to twist throughout. Mouth opened wide again, I grabbed the back of her head, and started to destroy her throat. Her eyes watered as she gagged and gasped for air. Thrust after thrust, she spit and gagged, her nose now starting to run. I slowed down, a little, allowing her to go back to sucking it like she should.

She pulled it out, and let it rest in the middle of her face; starting between her eyebrows and hanging below her chin. She looked me in my eyes, and let it slide back down her face, and into her mouth. Dripping with spit, she bobbed and sucked and gagged, doing all that she could to make me cum. I placed a hand behind her head, and pushed and pushed until I heard her gurgling what I'd just shot down her throat.

While she wiped her eyes, nose and face, I leaned over and gave her a forehead kiss. She slapped me on my chest, as a reminder that this was not a time for affection. My feelings back in-check, I picked her up, and as she wrapped her legs around me, I slid myself back inside of her. She gasped, and then bit my left earlobe. I bounced her up and down, as we both fought off the urge to kiss. With each pump, we grunted in unison. This was our position. This is what we used to cum at the same time. This was that "thing" that we unknowingly had saved exclusively for each other. With her staring into my eyes, I continued to lift and lower her onto that thang. 4min later, her arm's grip around my neck got tighter, and her legs started to loosen. 10sec after that, the harmonious orgasms we were waiting for arrived.

I carried her back over to the stool, and sat her down. After she freshened up and used the restroom, I followed suit, and then got dressed. Still reeling from the shrimp and grits, she and I leaned up against the studio door, still not having said a word the entire evening. She reached out to hold my hand, and our fingers briefly interlocked. That was as close as we'd ever be, again. No backstory. No pleasantries. Just "a little something extra."

The Quickie Chronicles: Physical Therapy

Almost a year ago, I had an accident while skiing in Colorado. As a result of my carelessness, I needed surgery, and subsequently, physical therapy. In case you're wondering, no, you should not try to ski after eating an edible.

"No amount of insurance can protect you from yourself." - Rosalia M., CMPT

I had in-home PT twice a week, for nearly two months. Some sessions were easier than others, but it was always a pleasure being with Rosalia. After the first few weeks, it started to feel like there could be something between us. In addition to the therapy, she and I would talk about sports, movies and occasionally our lack of a love life; I, happily divorced. She, a casual dater.

During one of my final sessions, and in the midst of a "how-to" lecture on Bumble, Rosalia asked if I'd been experiencing any limitations from the accident. I reiterated some strength and range of motion concerns, but she shook her head. "No, no, no. 'Limitations.'" I didn't quite understand what she meant, until I noticed she was pointing towards my lap.

Embarrassed, I admitted that I hadn't really been in a situation to find out what did or didn't work. Rosalia continued with the stretches, and explained how nerve damage can sometimes lead to erectile dysfunction. I just went along with the storytelling, but did jokingly ask her if she had some secrets I could use to "stay up."

She paused for a moment, in my opinion, to decide how she should respond to my question. After looking around the room, Rosalia tilted her head towards the chairs at my dining room table. I eased myself off of her portable table, and shuffled towards the dining room.

Not long after sitting down, Rosalia knelt in front of me, resting her face in my lap. While blowing warm air onto my basketball shorts, she began to run her mouth against "it," drawing the natural reaction. With a tent starting to form in my shorts, she wrapped her lips around the "lift," and started to hum. I don't know if it was the vibration from the humming or what, but whatever pain I was in, was gone. "Take off your clothes." Rosalia was used to giving instructions, and I happily followed them.

Once naked, my erection started to go away. A few flicks of her tongue, and some ball cupping was all it took for Rosalia to bring me back up. She sucked me for like 10 seconds, but then sat back up.

"#1. You have to remember not to focus on your pain. Stay focused on what's going on, not about what hurts on your body."

Rosalia was trying to talk to me, but at that moment, I was more focused on why she'd stopped the lip service. She went back in for a few more slurps. Spit cascading towards my thighs, things were getting sloppy, and I loved it. I could feel a buzzing coming from her mouth, just before she popped her lips, and released me.

"2. Understand that after a few minutes, you might start to lose focus, and possibly your erection. You can regain both by switching positions with your partner."

I must've given her thee most frustrated look ever, because she rose to her feet. Rosalia stepped out of her shoes, undid the knot on her scrubs, and began to pull them down. Now in her panties, Rosalia walked back towards her portable table. "Is this what you really wanted?"

Rosalia bent over against the table, and slid her panties off. I walked up, and lifted myself inside of her. With each push, the sounds coming from her body sounded like something from a Nickelodeon tv show. As I continued to pump, I could feel something vibrating.....kinda like when Rosalia was humming earlier.

I woke up sticky. I'd fallen asleep while using the TENS machine, and was having a wet dream. However, what was real was Rosalia's reaction to the erection nodding in my shorts. She looked at it, looked at me, looked back at it, looked at me, grabbed her backpack and left. An hour later, a very judgemental [male] colleague of hers came to get the portable table, but he left the machine.

Fu*k skiing.