Random Thoughts 1

So before I get into this beware this is just an internal struggle and I wanted to voice it. 

So here goes. There's two guys right now. And idk which one i like better. I'm not good at this talkin to more than one person at once thing but it's happening. Also keep in mind neither of them have mentioned makin this more serious I'm just thinking ahead cause that's what I do. Anyway...

Guy 1:  

A little bit younger. 

Lives far 6 hours away

No car

No job

In college 

Horrible textin buddy

Can be sweet 

Great sex game

Amazing head game

Has fucked and dated a close friend

Smokes hella weed

Funny af tho

When we are together things are awesome 

Parents don't like him; vice versa

Brothers like him 

Pretty flirty 

Got trust issues

Lives at home  

Acts like if I lived near him we would be together 

Guy 2:

Job

College degree 

Lives 14 hours away 

Not the best texter; but when we do it's a natural conversation 

Doesn't like to talk on the phone 

Sorta kinda a flirt 

Parents would be impressed

Has a car

Lives at home 

Not even sure what we are "doing" 

Funny

So all of the above is a compiled list of things---good && bad-- about said boys. I'm sure I'm missin stuff. And if I have it for one and not the other it's cause it hasn't happened with one of em. I just don't know. I've put more into guy 1 but that doesn't mean I should pursue him more. 

And in a way this could all be for nothing cause at this point both of these relationships only extend to us "talkin" bein "best friends" or whatever you call it. 

I'm not quite sure my purpose of this entry, but here it is. 

And clearly this isn't the first post that wa random thoughts but I just decided to make this it's own...title? Category? Whatever you wanna call it. Fellow misfits do the same if you make an entry with just thoughts that's not quite an adventure of a misfit. 

Deuces!

Adventures of a College Educated Misfit Part 32.1

Yessssssssss!!! 

Let me first start by saying I'm bored on this stupid bus cause I refuse to pay parking and I finished my book and my fellow misfits usually give me something interesting to read. So here we go...

Anyway, I totally agree with my fellow misfit. Our fuckin society is full of people who judge based off past experiences, and I too am fuckin tired of it. 

Ya know I get that your ex hurt you. She cheated. Or lied. Or played with your feelings. I totally get. I'VE BEEN THERE. But tht doesn't mean that you should instantly be putting the next person that try with you down and under all this suspicion. Believe it or not there are still people out here who are real and wan the same things you do. 

I'm tired of hearing I don't trust you because my last girl [guy] broke my heart. I AIN'T HER [him]. Don't compare me to her/him. 

It's really hard to try and show someone I'm down for them if they expecting or waitin for me to show signs of what the last one did. Ok so s/he would stop textin you when they was with someone else, just cause I don't respond right awy doesn't automatically mean im creeping. I work muhfucka. I be busy. Much to popular belief I'm not ALWAYS lookin at my damn phone. And just cause I'm textin you while Im workin don't mean that somethin won't start at work that means I can't respond as quickly. 

Stop lookin for excuses to leave or stop talkin or to be mad at me. If you can't do that maybe you need to take some personal time and get ya life right. 

And for those who know me, I'll be the first to tell you I don't trust muhfuckas. But that's in general. And I don't let my lack of trust for the human population dictate how I act with, around or towards you. Just in my person I may not express everything. I may not be willin to make things official quickly. But I still give you a fair chance. 

Can all of you muhfuckas say that too? 

#misfit out! 

Adventures of a College Educated Misfit 32

....On Preconceived Notions

I don't know how many times I have had to preach this sermon, but I stepping up to the pulpit to deliver this word yet again. 

STOP FEEDING INTO THESE PRECONCEIVED NOTIONS!!!

I know it's hard not to because we've been programmed to believe that if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck then...it's a duck. However that's not always the case. It might be a goose, or a swan. It may even be a machine. The point is many times things are not as they seem. A mirage of sorts. We go into situations taking things at face value not even trying to dig deeper or consider that it's a façade.

So let's just get into it. I've been holding this in for the better part of two weeks, by the way. I...AM NOT...a freakin...KITTEN! Sexually, that is or any other wise for that matter because I don't like cats. I am also not a person who openly displays their sexuality. I'm a real chill individual. I don't care for a lot of attention. I people watch...impassively, but with enough interest that I give off the wide eyed and bushy tailed vibe. So much so that people who fake know me ask if I'm a virgin even though I've busted that myth for them several times -- not physically, just to clarify. But, all of that is part of the intrigue. "I know I seem innocent not, but what happens when it's just us body to body? Are you ready and willing to find out?" My self code is to smile more than I talk to certain individuals. I figure people like surprises and even the person I've been dealing with most consistently is surprised because he forgets that there are two heads to this quarter. That works for me. That's my version of sexy. That's my cool.

How-muh fuggin-EVER!!! Stop being a fuck boy. If you have constantly been comparing and contrasting me to another bitch for most of the day, ain't no way Imma be on you hard up like that. Imma chill...in my quiet corner and read your ass for filth in my brain in an effort to save you from this wrath. Let's be VERY clear:

1. I don't look like that bitch.

2. I don't talk like that bitch.

3. I definitely don't smell like that bitch.

4. Matter of fact, I don't even like that bitch.

Therefore, don't make me do time for crimes that I have not committed...as if I'm that bitch! But since you are...your loss, friend. No whack reviews over here.

Do better, fuck boys. I know it's hard because you always in the midst of fuckshit and foolery, but give the better side of the grass a whirl.

Like I said, this has been brewing for about two weeks. I just had to get it out before it consumed me.

K, bye.

Adventures of a College Educated Misfit 31

...on Fruitvale Station and the Assasination of the Black Male

Let me just start by saying that I went back and forth about whether or not I wanted to see this movie. I knew it was really heavy and I'm the kind of girl who goes to movies as a pick me up, but I just felt really compelled to see it.

Before I get into the nitty gritty of it all I must give accolades to Forrest Whitaker who produced the film and to Michael B. Jordan (who better get his recognition come award season) and the rest of the cast of the film. It was amazing. It was raw and truthful and did an excellent job of making you feel as if you were a part of the world of the film. All of which were probably responsible for the emotions I felt at the end of the film.

I realize that not everyone has seen the film so I won't give any spoilers. I do encourage you all to see it though. Watching this film made me think of every brown man I know that has been wrongfully arrested, assaulted, and harassed by those whose job description is to "protect and serve." It reminds me of the way my chest closed up when my mom called me and told me that my brother had been stopped an handcuffed by the pigs while dropping his girlfriend off because he matched the description of a black male wearing a hoodie. It reminds me of the countless times that a good friend of mine has had to sit behind bars for doing nothing other than being a black man driving a black car. It reminds me of times where well educated, professional black men have recounted to me the ways they were profiled by the police.

I'm reminded of a coworker who declined the invite to see the film because she's a native of the Bay Area and lived this nightmare and was unable to go to work for 3 weeks because of the riots. I'm reminded of another coworker who says that her significant other's personality reminds her so much of the Oscar Grant portrayed in the film. I'm reminded of Trayvon Martin, Troy Davis, George Stinney, Bobby Hutton, Fred Hampton...the list could go on forever.

It is abundantly clear that the black man is public enemy #1 and we're living in a society where their value is placed on how many baskets or touchdowns they can make. If they can't manage to do that, society makes them free slaves who are robbed of every right that makes them free even after they are free. And if they somehow manage to dodge that bullet and become well educated contributors to this fucked up society, she will try to find ways to break him down and make him feel less than human. 

I don't know man...I guess my only question is: How do we stop America from eating its babies?