The Quickie Chronicles - 2 Hours

I sell fantasies.  Allusions.  Beautiful, dark, twisted nightmares.  I give the people what they want.

I've been birthday presents, bachelor and bachelorette party gifts, anniversary presents, graduation gifts.... you name it.

I've given people experiences they will never forget, possibly could never have.  I live my life serving others.  But what do I have left for myself?  I say I live a life of lust and a lack of love and common sense.  Or at least I did.  This isn't a story about those who knock my sexual exploits and desire to be a defense attorney.  This is the story of how I figured out what would make me happy, and how I fixed part of my life.

I hated this part of my job.  I stood at the door of a hotel suite dressed as an EMT.  Now I've never known an EMT to wear 6 inch stilettos, but...  One of her friends opened the door with a smirk on her face.  Cautiously and sincerely I mentioned that I had been called to deal with someone who fainted at a party, a blushing bride.  They point me in her direction.  The look on her face was priceless.  She hadn't fainted and told me just that.  I told her, "Not yet...

I came with no boombox or mp3 player. I liked to sounds my audience made to be my music.  I walk up to her, putting my leg on one of her shoulders.  Placing my hands on either side of the chair, I slide into a split.  I straddle her, grind on her, force her to the floor, pin her arms down.  Tease her mentally with all of my clothes on.  Besides, I'm hired to give the bride one last exploit.  I try not to make my clients feel to dirty in these situations.  Don't want them to carry that much guilt or shame with them to their weddings.  I save the stripping for their thirsty friends.

Once I've made sure I caused the bride's pressure to rise, I get her back into her chair and focus on entertaining her friends.  They tip best anyway.... After stripping down to nothing and collecting about $300 in ones, I start collecting my clothes.  The Maid of Honor invites me to stay for the rest of the party.  I find that weird, but stranger things have happened.

I'm offered drink and food and find myself really enjoying the company of these women.  The Maid of Honor pulls me aside and propositions me.  I don't find it at all alarming.  $500 for 2 hours is what she offered.  I wasn't sure what she wanted but that would be a nice extra piece of cash.  We sneak away to a bedroom. Locking the door, she asks me for a lap dance and that I strip down to nothing again.  I pull her from the bed and suggest she do it first.  We take turns stripping and feeling each other up.  Once I am done, I get on my knees and began rubbing her legs.  Slowly, she feels more and more confident and spreading them apart.  I push her feet up on the bed and encourage her to lay back.  I take my time applying short licks to her clit, then longer ones, longer ones that involve the grazing of a tooth until I'm just sucking on it.  She squirms and moans beneath me.  I add my digits into the mix.  One finger and then two.  I stop licking and look up at her.  She sits up staring at me in disbelief as I stroke her g-spot with a "come here" motion.  Her entire body is soaking wet and steaming but she shivers like she is cold.  I haven't taken up my 2 hours but I feel done.  I think we should renegotiate....

Her lips meet mine and I am thrown onto the bed.  She climbs on top of me, thumbing my nipples as she continues to suck my face.  I'm not as aroused by all of this like she is so she licks to fingers before shoving them inside of me.  The surprise and initial pain turn me on.  I force my hips against her fingers harder and harder wishing it was something else.  I try to imagine a big, thick dick pounding in and out of me.  I clinch my muscles down around her fingers hoping to build friction and my imagination builds on what I am wishing.  I hit a peak and plateau.  I want to give up but she won't let me...

After my two hours, I collect my payment and leave.  Only think I've learned tonight is that I love dick and all my bills will be paid next month....

The Adventures of a College Educated Misfit- Part 34

On prenuptial agreements. . .

Now before I begin i believe it is necessary for you to know what a prenupt is. According to merriam-webster dictionary a prenuptial agreement is "an agreement made by a couple before they marry concerning the ownership of their respective assets should the marriage fail". In some cases these prenupts include other binding rules regarding what happens if the marriage fails, including but not limited to: how the divorce will happen, what happens if someone cheats, what happens with the child(ren).

Now for my thoughts....

I was watching some silly netflix movie and the couple was about to get married. He converted to Judaism in order to earn her family's blessing and to appease them. They were in love. Then she shoves this large ass book looking thing in his face and says this is our prenupt....look it over.

 BITCH WHAAAAAAAAAAT??! So lets just say I am confused. Like i have thought about a prenupt and seen several movies where they are used, but I was so taken aback and i still havent wrapped my thoughts on the subject. I can see both sides of this fucked up coin...thus we are here talking about it.

Before i go into my opinion about why they are ok and why they are not, keep in mind majority of people get prenupts to make sure that the money they have earned prior to this marriage is safe. Example: If i am rich because my dad left me all his money i would ask my husband to sign the preunpt so that if we divorce we only split the money we earned as a married couple and the money i already had will not be included. Disclaimer: this is my opinion and how i view the majority of prenupts. i could be wrong (duh)

SIDE 1: Do not do it
If you really loved this person why you even ask them to sign this. Preparing for the worse is like expecting it. If you all sign this prenupt then it is like waiting for the door to hit you on the way out. You should believe in your marriage enough to not find it necessary. Not to mention if you ask them to sign the prenupt isn't that just like admitting "hey i know you say you love me for me, but i think that you only want my money". A prenupt is like a just incase you are a gold-digger safety net. How do you go to the person you love and ask them to sign that? How do you convince the person you love to sign the prenupt that says in case you are a fuckin gold-digger, i still want all my money? i do not think you can.

SIDE 2: Do it
If yall are really in love and this is meant to last forever this dumb ass paper wont mean anything..right? If person a isn't after person b's money than person a will have no problem signing the paper. It is just a little bit of security. It is similar to couples liking to use "baby" and "honey" and other terms of endearment. You and anyone else of importance are well aware that you and this person are a couple but you use the terms to make you feel good, to make it known, to remind yourself that they care. People do shit everyday to make them feel a little more secure in their role, whether that is romantic role, educational, professional. What makes this any different? Not to mention this idea that whats mine is mine. If person a has a large inheritance or started some multimillion dollar company prior to marrying person b or even before meeting them, why does person b deserve half of it when they divorce. what did person b to help person a? Not a damn thing! It is only fair that what happened before the marriage is exactly the same if this marriage ends.

okayyyyyy so as you see i have arguments for both sides and I am sure I forgot a few of the ones that were in my head when i decided to write this, but thats all i got. I would love for my fellow #misfits to tune in and add to this. what do yall think. prenupts: good or bad? acceptable or unacceptable? would you ask your spouse to sign one? if your spouse asked you would you sign it?

lemme know your thoughts...even if they are as jumbled as mine

#misfit out fuckers 

The Quickie Chronicles - Drunk In Love

I've been drinking, we've been drinking...

Clock approaches midnight and my mind races on all the ways we can say goodbye to this place.

I sit on the couch, legs tucked underneath me, and look over at you.  Sprawled out, feeling all of the brown you've been drinking.

I giggle, get on my knees and crawl over.  I begin teasing you through your PJ pants.  You don't pay me much attention.  I don't mind, I don't yet have a plan.

I start unbuttoning the slit in your pants to give myself better access.  I pull you out, growing harder with each stroke.  We look at each other, I giggle again before I go head first....

Cigars on ice, cigars on ice...

I've grown tired of the couch.  We've had to many of our sexual exploits in this room.

I get up, letting go of my last mouth full and walk into the kitchen.  I know I won't have to wait long before I hear your footsteps behind me, wondering how I could leave after I'd barely started.  You wander in, bottle in hand, swigging away.  I take it from you, few more shots to the head before I ease down your leg to a squatting position and use your thigh for support.

I pop up thinking of ways to make this more interesting, not that my #mouf needs any improvement.  I open the fridge and freezer.  I know you're confused, I normally keep a strict no food policy.  Sugar and the cooch don't mix but....

I grab an ice tray and make my way back to your thigh.  I pop out a cube and trail it gently against your length.  I play with you and the ice in my hands until it's small enough to fit you both in my mouth.  I swirl the ice around in my mouth, teasing every part of him, all the while trying to keep my mouth as warm as possible, not stopping until you've coated my throat.

We be all night,
And everything alright
I move up off the floor and grab is hand.  New room, new event.
He lays on the bed as I light every candle in the room.  Drunken nights are never filled with many romantic moments, so before the liquor takes over my whole body....
I take off my robe, revealing nothing underneath and slide on the bed next to you.
I lay on my side and just trail my fingers up and down your chest.  I'm done being the aggressor.  I want to be innocent, delicate.  I want to be taken advantage of.  Ravish me and the sheets....
My telepathic message isn't passing thru my fingertips.  I'm not laying helpless on this bed all night without feeling you inside of me.  I know you're rested.  I see him up again.  I climb on top of you and slide down on your length.  Bouncing lightly.  You grab my hips and swing me onto my back,  You thrust in and out of me quickly, forcefully.  My legs around your neck, I pull you closer and closer to me.  Our mouths touch, we kiss deeply, my legs greet my ears.  You pull out of me quickly and roll my over.  Deep long strokes from the back.  I try to keep up, try to match them, but my body collapses.  I can no longer hold myself up on my knees. Mission accomplished.

Then I fill the tub up halfway then ride it with my surfboard, surfboard, surfboard
Accidentally filled the tub up all the way.  Trying to recover, decide to ride the wave.  On wobbly legs, I stand, grab my bottle and drown my throat.  I hobble out the room and slam the bottle on the dining room table.  You come in, leaning on the door frame, wondering what exactly my drunk ass is doing.  I motion for you to come closer and push you up against the table.  Order you to lay down.  This strong, sturdy, mahogany won't break or splinter.  I climb on the table with you and squat over your face.  I bounce down on your tongue repeatedly.  Just...
Graining on that wood, graining, graining on that wood
Trying to maintain my balance, I end up on my knees, grabbing for the end of the table until half of my body is just hanging over. Your firm grip on my hips is the only thing holding me up...

We woke up in the kitchen saying,
"How the hell did this shit happen?"
Oh baby
I don't even know how we got back in this room.  Last thing I remember is handstands off the dining room table....
The sun is out, my body is worn, my head is fucked.... You talmbout...
your breastses is my breakfast...
I just tell you to quit.
I've been drinking watermelon.... ALL DAMN NIGHT
I want breakfast and a nap.  I want you there with me but....
Maybe we need a shower first...
SHIT. we have to pack.