Pursuit of... [Happiness]

Happiness.

No, I'm not trying to steal the title of that Will Smith movie.  This is my current mission.  I'm tired of living the life I've been living.  It looks beautiful from the outside, but as I make the block long walk to my car, I realize just how much my life is in shambles.

I have just left behind the love of my life and a night I will not soon forget.  We made love underneath the moon light and our souls connected.  I found my soul mate and I never want to let him go.

As I get in my car, my mind is made up.  I have to have a conversation with my husband.  I can't live this life anymore.

I stop at Wendy's on my way to work, the empire I built from the ground up with my husband, for some breakfast.  I'm going to need something to get me through this seemingly difficult conversation.  We have both known this was coming for a while, but this isn't the right time.  This doesn't fit into the agreement we made.

I pull into my spot and notice my husband is already here.  Early bird.  I throw on a hoodie and change my heels to sandals in case any employees are already here.  Don't want them to see me arrive in yesterday's clothes.  I grab my suitcase and coffee and head inside.  I wink and wave at the security guard as I get on the elevator to carry my ass to the 25th floor.  I rush pass all the reception desks and cubicles, straight to my husbands office.  He has a shower and a closet full of our clothes.

As I enter his office, I almost trip over him and his lover creating strange puzzles on the floor with their bodies.  I ignore them and move to the shower.  Once I am clean, I put on my red suit.  Today, I truly feel like the devil in the red dress.  I walk out the bathroom, head held high, step over my husband in his early morning tryst and head out the office, not before I look over my shoulder and tell him we need to talk.

I walk calmly into my office and sit behind my desk.  I busy myself with work, replying to emails I'd been ignoring and avoiding.  About 15 minutes later, my husband, David, walks into my office, sits at my desk and crosses his legs.  What does he have to say?  "What's on your mind girl?"

"I want a divorce."  I say calmly, evenly, eyes still glued on my computer screen and fingers still tapping away at the keyboard.

"I knew this was coming.  You stayed with him last night?"

"Yes, I did."  I say trying to keep from having to mention stepping over him and Jordan this morning.

"Sugar, you know this isn't the right time.  It doesn't fit into our plans."  David was right.  We'd married shortly after graduating grad school and began building our dreams.  We were best friends and always would be which is why we came up with our pact, but I had to leave.  Sooner than later.

"I know.  This isn't what we planned at all, but I've found the one.  THEE ONE.  I can't let him pass me by."

"He gave you an ultimatum."

"Something like that.  He said he could never be more than my dirty little secret as long as you and I are keeping up this lie, and he's right.  He deserves so much more than I can give him openly right now.  I don't want to hide anymore.  I know you think corporate America just isn't ready for you yet but how much longer do I have to hold off my true happily ever after until you think it is?"

He lets out a heavy sigh.  "You know Jordan has never put me through this."

"Jordan is just as deep in the closet as you."  Jordan and David have been in a secret relationship since our junior year of college.  He didn't think he could progress in life as he wanted being gay and black, so we created our lie.  Jordan was ok with it because he never thought his parents would approve of his lifestyle and the closet provided him with a comfort he's always known.  I was ok with it because at the time I never thought I'd find true love.  Never have to look for it, invest time in it, watch it grow....none of that.  But now...

"How will this look?"

"I don't care.  We say we are divorcing because the fire and passion we shared for each other died.  Because we'd rather continue on as best friends, happily, than have one of us stray from the marriage.  We keep everything in place.  We split the company 50/50, keep our money, assets, acquisitions.  You keep the house, it was always more yours than mine..."

"You've been thinking long and hard about this..."

"Only all morning.  I want to be happy.  I love you, I love what we've built, but it's time for me to start working on my next chapter.  Who knows, it may be time for you too...."