Mama Misfit Speaks, vol. 1

-- On mother's guilt

I've never heard the term mother's guilt thrown around more until after I gave birth. It's like my mother was just waiting to drop that bomb on me.  

Why couldn't you have prepared me in advance? Afraid my pregnancy hormones couldn't take it? Bullshit. 

Anyway, mother's guilt is this inescapable pain that causes you to feel bad about literally everything you do.   

Ex:

How could I do that to my baby? I don't need to work.
My baby's crying because I'm in the shower. I can be dirty.
How dare I consider going to school? My child needs my undivided attention at all times.

It's kind of like a "can't win for losing" type situation. And the guilt is immense. Comes in waves.

And no trigger is greater than when you see parts of your mother, the parts you never aspired to be, peeking through.   

Ex:

Gawd, I said I was never going to do that to my child.
Now she's/he's gonna end up just like me. I wanted better for my baby.
My child's going to resent [this] part of me forever.

And so on and do forth. You fight to climb on top the slump.

At this time it's best to stop and put yourself in your child's shoes. And your mother's. When my mom possibly felt this way, what was I thinking? How much I loved her? How she was my whole world? The greatest ever? Or that she was failing miserably at this thing called parenting? (Please don't thing of yourself in your teenage angsty years. You know you needed to be popped in the thoak. Yes, thoak.)

Also, take the time to acknowledge the fact that you are not yet experiencing grandparent's guilt, which has to be 10 times worse than mother's guilt. Seeing the parenting traits that you aren't so proud of in action? Finally understanding both sides of the argument? Wishing you could go back and fix things? And on top of that not being warned that it exists?!???!!

My mother's guilt feels a lot lighter now.

Signing out,

Mama Misfit