Sunday, December 6, 2015

Short Story - Learning to Love: Chapter 4

"So Bianca, do you think that that cover was a good pitch?" Lost in thought, thinking about Jason. Thinking about what she is going to make for dinner. Thinking about what she is going to be doing for dessert, Bianca fails to hear her supervisor talking to her. "Bianca?" she repeats again. "Oh, I'm sorry, what did you ask me?"

After making it through the rest of the meeting, while actually paying attention, Bianca rushes through the rest of the things she needs to do before she can leave for the day. While on the phone with an agent of one of the authors whose book they are trying to publish, she searches recipes online. Trying to find something simple, but amazing to make. She has never cooked for him before. She wants it be great. 

By the time she gets out of the office, She has an hour and a half to get to the store, get home, change, and get dinner started. As she heads down the road, her phone rings."Hey Ma!" she says into the phone. Listening to her mother and her complaints about her dad haphazardly, her attention focuses mainly on what she is going to prepare for dinner. By the time she arrives at the grocery store she has settled on stuffed salmon, mashed potatoes and sauteed asparagus. In an effort to get her mother off the phone, "Ma, I am about to go in the grocery store, I got to go. But we can talk at Sunday dinner." Clearly her mother didn't hear her, or she is blatantly ignoring her attempt at ending the call, her mother continues, "And don't even get me started on Brooke. Her and her baby-daddy issues are getting on my last nerve." Looking at the clock and the amount of time she has left, Bianca again tells her mother she has to go. With a little effort, she is able to get off the phone and in the store. With only a few ingredients to get, she is in and out quickly.

Rushing down the road she begins to ponder her outfit. By the time she gets in the house and gets the potatoes boiling and the salmon in the oven she has about a half hour until Jason is expected to arrive. Jumping in the shower, Bianca's thoughts get clouded by Jason, and the evening, and the future, and what to expect. While she is trying not to get her hopes up, because he has disappointed her in the past, she cannot help but think about how things could be with them if he really does change.

As Bianca walks into her closet to begin getting dressed, her phone rings. "Ugh not again," she says as she reaches for her phone. "Hello?!" Bianca says into the phone. "Bianca, oh my goodness, I cannot deal with Wes and his bullshit. I am so tired of us having the same damn fight all the time." Brooke damn near screams in the phone. Now, Bianca loves her little sister, but she didn't have the time nor the patience to listen to her bitch about her baby-daddy right now. "Hey B, I can't really talk right now, I have plans. Can I call you later?" Bianca asks. "Bianca, I need to talk to you. Aren't sisters supposed to be there when you need them?" Brooke says, trying to play the guilt card. "I am here for you B, all the time, but I can't talk now, I have to finish getting ready. I promise we can continue to talk about Wes and his bitchassness, but not now." Exasperated, "Okay, B. I'll just call you later. Have fun on your date." Surprised that Brooke knows her so well, "Who said I was going on a date?" Chuckling Brooke responds "B, I've known you my whole life. Of course I know when you are rushing me off the phone for some dick. But it's cool. Have fun. Call me tomorrow." Laughing Bianca says goodbye and promises to call her back the next day. Brooke knows that Bianca has been dealing with a few guys, but doesn't know specifics. And definitely knows nothing of Jason. Bianca has never felt secure enough in their relationship, or whatever it is, to discuss it with her sister.

By the time Bianca mashes the potatoes, sautees the asparagus and opens the chilled bottle of wine, the doorbell rings. "Right on time!" Bianca thinks as she walks to the door. "Damn, you look beautiful" Jason says as he steps inside. He leans in for a kiss before Bianca can say thank you. Blushing Bianca invites him into the dining room where the table is set, and candles are lit. Walking in the kitchen to retrieve all of the food and wine, Jason follows. "Any way I can help?" he asks. "Sure help me bring this in the dining room" she retorts.

Sitting down to dinner, they discuss their days. Jason talks about this new contract he is trying to get to push himself forward in his career. She lends a supportive ear. She discusses this up and coming author that she is trying to convince her team they should publish. They talk and laugh throughout the whole meal.

When both plates are cleaned and both glasses of wine are empty, Bianca gets up to begin to clean the table. "Don't  do that," Jason says as she reaches for his plate, "let me. You cooked. Just refill the glasses and let me straighten up Woman!" Blushing, "Okay." While Jason begins to take the remaining food in the kitchen, Bianca grabs their glasses, and the bottle of wine and heads for the living room. As Jason begins to put the food away and load the dishwasher with the remnants of dinner, Bianca grabs her iPod and plays her "Get it Wet" playlist, to not so subtly set the mood.

Entering the dim lit living room, Jason smirks, "You tryna tell me something?" he asks. "Nah, just wanted something to play in the background." "Uhuh, sure." Jason chuckles. "I thought about you all day ya know. I don't know what you did to me last night, but damn girl." "Well, I assure you the feeling is mutual." Bianca says in response. Jason wraps his arms around her and pulls her into him and kisses her. Her arms wrap around his neck and his hands move slowly down her back. Deepening the kiss, Jason moves her on his lap so that she is straddling him. Bianca moves to his neck. Licking, and sucking, and kissing on him, making Jason squirm beneath her. Standing up, Jason grips her soft behind and Bianca wraps her legs around his waist as he walks them to the bedroom. Gently laying her down on the edge of the bed, he kneels on the floor. Slowing removing her shirt, bra and pants, so that Bianca is laying there in nothing but her panties. Leaning back over her, he kisses her. Then leaves a trail of kisses all the way down to her waist, until his teeth are on her panties, gently removing them without using his hands.

Getting back on the floor, he spreads her legs. He tastes her. She moans. Running his tongue across her clit slowly, he slides a finger inside. Quickening the pace of his tongue, he continues the manual assault. Bianca's moans are getting higher, and more consistent. Her juices are flowing, and Jason is catching every drop. Her hands are now on the back of his head, and he is flicking his tongue across her pearl. Meanwhile, he is removing his pants. Gripping his meat. Ready for her. She explodes on his tongue. Standing up, Jason rips off his shirt, and swifltly puts on a condom. Within 30 seconds he is inside her. "Ahhh" she moans out as she feels him stretch her. Pulling her closer to the edge of the bed, and placing both feet on his shoulders, Jason begins a slow deep stroke. With his hands on her waist, he pulls her into him with each thrust. She moans louder. Turning her on her side and keep one leg on his shoulders, he quickens his pace. She is gripping the sheets, and damn near screaming out. Gripping her ass, he pounds. The only sounds you can hear are Bianca's moans, her ass clapping and the wetness between her legs. "You about to make me come baby!" Jason moans out. "Oh Jason!" Bianca screams. And together they explode.

Jason removes himself slowly, and heads to the bathroom to remove the condom. As Jason walks back into the room, Bianca grabs her robe and heads to the living room. As Jason reaches down to grab his boxers, he feels his phone vibrating in his pocket. Reaching for it, he sees a text message from Her. *Hey. You decide if you are coming thru tonight?* Jason types her a quick reply, *I'll let you know* Before throwing his boxers on and putting his phone back in his pocket, she responds, *Okay, well call me before you come. I really do wanna see you. ;)* As he puts his phone down and jumps in the bed, Bianca walks back in the room, with both glasses of wine.

Laying back down, Jason wraps his arm around her. "So I was thinking," he says. "Thinking? I don't think I will have the energy to use my brain until morning after that" she says with a smirk. Laughing, "It's like that huh?" Not able to control her smile, "Absolutely. But what were you thinking?" "That we should get out the house. Ya know, get dressed, go out for drinks and maybe some dancing. I would love to see how you move." Jason says smirking. "I believe you already know how I move" Bianca says. "True, but you know what I mean. What do you say? Tomorrow night? Around 9?" Bianca kisses him. "Friday night on the town with you? What girl would say no to that?" He kisses her again. Her hands travel down to grab him. Stroking him gently. "Nah babe, we can't go again." Jason says sitting up. "He is telling me a different story." Bianca says eyeing Jason's dick print through his boxers. "As much as I would love to go for round two, I can't because then I would never leave." Trying to keep the disappointment out of her voice, "You're not staying?" Jason kisses her lips, to ease the blow, "I would love to Love, but I have to do some work tonight to prepare for that big meeting I was telling you about, And I know that if I stay here, I will not be productive." Trying to be supportive she says she understands.

Seeing the hurt on her face Jason decides to lay back and cuddle and chill with her for a little. Not wanting to hurt her, and feeling a little guilty for lying to her they make small talk. They talk about their families, and spend a little time getting closer. Learning more about each other, and making more jokes. After about an hour, Jason finalizes his decision to leave, and gets up and gets dressed to go. As Bianca walks him to the door, he grabs her hand. Once at the door, he leans down and kisses her. "So we are on for tomorrow night? Not too tired of me yet?" he smirks. "Not yet" she giggles, giving him another kiss. "Okay well I'll pick you up at 9" "Until then!" Bianca says as she wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him again. Allowing her tongue to slide in his mouth. Releasing him, they say their goodbyes and Jason leaves. As Bianca heads to her bathroom for a shower, Jason pulls out his phone. She has texted him again, *I'm wet, and ready, don't make me wait any longer* dialing her number, she picks up on the first ring. "Hey, yea, I'm on my way now." 

Friday, December 4, 2015

Mama Misfit Speaks, vol. 2

-- On Titties

Yup.  Titties.

But first, let me say,
 

Because it's important.  If you do it for 2 years or 2 days, congrats to you!  It's so many people got something to say... I'll get that to later.

Anyways...

Picture me 19 months into my breastfeeding journey (yea bih, 19 months) and I'm so tired of my breasts I don't know what to do.

Well, I do.

I WANT TO RECLAIM OWNERSHIP! Hello.  These are my titties.  Back away.  NO, there are no milks today.  Sorry.  Can't help you.  I would like them to be rubbed without the fear that milk will come exploding out the heauxs.  I would like to sleep all night without leaking.  I would like to sleep all night and not wake up to a tiny person with my nipple in their mouth.  No, you can't touch them just because they're there, small child.  Ouch, NO! DO NOT PINCH MY NIPPLE! No, my dear friend, my boobs are not yours.  I WANT FREE!!



There.  I've vented my frustrations.  Now to dig deeper.

Yes, I'm frustrated. Yes, I'm ready to wean.  NO, she does NOT bite just because she has teeth.  And, NO, that does NOT give you the right to try to judge me about how long I'm giving my child the best nutrition a mother can give.  Breastfeeding is a journey, a process, a relationship.  It's about nutrition as much as it is about bonding and learning self sufficiency and self soothing.  Just not giving her the titty will cause her as much anguish as it will cause me.

Yes, I'm working on decreasing my supply.  Yes, I'm restricting when she can nurse, and for how long soon.  We're still working on the need for mommy and her milks when something happens to sadden or startle her.

Yes, I'm ready to be free.  BUT, I'm not.  This is a very special time for us and I haven't found a way to replace it.  Not that I really need to, but...

Shit,  I'm just confused.

So, I watched the documentary "breastmilk" right?  It made me feel all the feels.  Breastfeeding is hard enough but do have to do it with NO SUPPORT?  No wonder many of these mothers didn't make it that long in their journey.  And the least supportive person around them is their spouse?  Fuck that.  I'll stay single.  Why? Because:

  1. My titties are not and will never be YOURS.  I don't care if you like to play with them.  I don't care if you miss them.  I couldn't even give a flying fuck if you're jealous of the baby because, wait for it....., IT'S A BABY!
  2. It's not easier.  I prefer popping my boob out at 3 am to having to get up a bottle.  The baby gonna cry any damn way!!  One of us is leaving the bed ANY DAMN WAY!  The bottle is not a quick fix.
  3. You think you don't get to feed the baby.  Well hell, how the baby gonna eat while I'm at work.  See, there's this miracle device (that makes me feel like Bessie the cow) that allows to be express my milk.  And put it in one of those bottles you love so damn much.  Here, feed the baby!
  4. IF YOU WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT THINKING YOU'RE HELPING ME BY SNEAKING AND GIVING MY BABY FORMULA I WILL KILL YOU!!! (watch the documentary)
But, I also noticed how few women of color were in the documentary.  (Shoutout to the black mother that breastfed for over a year and was able to donate her milk too!)  Of all the women in my generation in my family, I am the only one to breastfeed.  Why?  Because many of them haven't seen it before.  Because the WIC makes it so easy to just get your formula and move the fuck on. (Although, they are trying to increase the number of their clients that breastfeed by offering better food packages for breastfeeding mothers and free breast pumps)  Because they wanna drink freely, although KellyMom taught me...

I think another reason why we breastfeed at lower numbers is because of residuals from slavery.  I mean, honestly, we had to use our milk to feed Massas babies.  OUR milk!! For OUR babies! There's some dissociation between black women and breastfeeding because of that.  If you Google breastfeeding and slavery, you get pictures of black women nursing white babies.  And this is the reality of what I saw of black women breastfeeding until I became a mother myself.  I didn't think it was something we did.  But because my mom breastfed me I knew it would be would I would do as well.

As I type this, and breastfeed my daughter (AT THE SAME DAMN TIME), I really can't even express all the thoughts I have on the subject.  I feel bad for wanting to wean but I also don't want to...


(she is TOO damn long)

Sigh.

Signed,

Mama Misfit.


Napturally Yours -- Back to Basics

So the mini misfit is out like the DirecTV during a thunderstorm and I decided to finally show my hair some love after a few weeks.  I want to deep condition, try one of the awesome rinses I found here, and detangle the tresses.

So what do I do to kick the process off? Start rummaging around my kitchen, of course!  Because...


Anyway... Here are a couple lists of almost everything a naptural will ever need!

The Basics (Foods, literally in your kitchen):
EVOO- extra virgin olive oil (now is the time to get up on your acronyms too)
Coconut Oil
ACV -apple cider vinegar (for clarifying rinse)
Baking Soda (for clarifying rinse)
Honey (to be mixed with oil for deep condition)

The Basics:
Cheap Conditioner (like that $1 Suave coconut...)
Wide tooth comb or brush
Cotton t-shirt (because it can help to maintain your curls, or if you're curlless like me, it helps keep some moisture in your hair)
Spray Bottle (you'll be surprised how fast your extra thick hair will dry.  at the ends.  only)
Shower caps
Dryer of some sort (if you bout that life...)
PATIENCE...and the strength in your arms like Angela Basset in "What's Love Got To Do With It"



(DAMN Bih...)

The Fancy:
Brown Sugar (for a scalp scrub with the next item)
Cayenne (to stimulate scalp, and I like a tingle.)
An assortment of herbs (see rinses link above)
Shea Butter (because this..., although my scalp and I can't get with it)

The Pro:
Henna (Because that Henna Gloss..., although I am working on a modified recipe)
Assortment of Teas (Again, henna glass)
Neem (anti-everything miracle ass oil that stinks but my scalp praises it...)
Essential Oils (mostly for scent, but you have to be BOUT THAT LIFE)

Other things in your kitchen that might prove useful:
Eggs
Mayo
Lemon Juice
Bananas/Banana baby food
Advocado
Coconut Water

Just sharing a list of my favs today.  Maybe I'll explain in greater detail how some of this works at a later date.

Napturalista Out.