.....On Being Friends With Your Ex
"Hey. Over the past year, our friendship has taken on a different identity. You know me better than most other people, and I like that. We've been dating for about three months now, and I'll admit that each month has been better than the one before it. You make me feel as if I'm worth more than gold. You make me sweat, without the Molly [Woooo!!]. If it's okay with you, it would be an honor if you would let me be your boyfriend."
1 year and 8 months later:
"Baby, I love you. Since we've been together, I feel like you've made me a better man. You're my best friend, and I will always love you. [insert some other mushy stuff]
The End:
"Go ahead. I'll wait. Oh....so you're done? I thought we could work through this issue? Maybe we could still be friends?"
Has this happened to you? Your good friend becomes your great friend, and then your great friend becomes your boyfriend / girlfriend, only to become your Ex-friend in the future? Weird, isn't it? You can't go to your favorite Taco Tuesday spot because your ex will probably be there. You wonder what it will be like at Homecoming. What do you tell your mutual friends? I mean, of course they have to choose sides, right? Now, you can't go to the Pajama Jam sleepover because your Ex has RT the party invite, and a picture of their PJs on Instagram. Now who's going to be your +1 for all these weddings you RSVP'd for? Who's going to help you wash the dishes at night? See, friendships get lost within relationships, and if, well when things go sour, you've not only lost a potential spouse, you're now missing a best friend....or are you?
I'm a Misfit, and I believe that it is possible that you can be friends with an Ex. Oh, so you want to know if I'm friends with any of my ex-girlfriends. This is not about me, okay? Just let me cook, sheesh. Anyway, I genuinely believe that one can mend & maintain friendships after relationships have run their course. While it depends on how bad the breakup was, I strongly believe that a real friendship can overcome most obstacles. Yes, you all decided to take your friendship to the next level, only to realize that you actually liked where you were before. It's cool, you can go back to being friends, but just keep this in mind:
1. You will never look at your Ex as just a friend ever again. It'l be damn near impossible for you to just see them as a a friend. You'll have to keep your hormones and feelings under control whenever you are near them. Of course, you all could just have sex randomly. Wait, let me save that for #5.
2. You won't be able to get jealous once they've found someone else. Don't be that bitter friend that is jealous of your friends' happiness. So what if you all dated for a few years, you're back in that friend zone, and shouldn't bit*h up when your Ex moves on.
3. In an argument or group discussion, private details about your old relationship can be exposed. We've all managed to bash an Ex during an intellectual group discussion. Those French doughnuts can only keep your Ex quiet for so long. They'll be open and honest about everything. Nothing is off limits amongst friends, right? Now, however, you're being hypothetically bashed in a forum, and have to just sit back and watch.
4. House parties. You all still have the same friends. Those friends will throw parties. You're both going to be at those parties. You'll both probably try to drown your awkward feelings with alcohol. Now, every song is your song, and the idea of "Friends with Benefits" doesn't sound too bad.
5. You now have access to sex on demand. Ever wish you could just have sex with your friend, without making things uncomfortable? Well, since you and your Ex are just friends now, you can! Since you all have probably been intimate before, you'll both already know what each other really likes. BUT, understand that cuddling afterwards, or any real sign of affection will not be tolerated, as you are now just being used for sex.
Look, I'm not saying it'll work for everyone, but it can work for some folks. When it comes down to it, being friends with an Ex could be a good thing. Whether you want to admit it or not, they're probably your best source of constructive criticism and support. So what if things didn't work out between you [this time], they're probably willing to help with your personal development, just so you all can get back together in the future.
Wait....just got a text from an Ex. We'll just stop here.
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