....On Chasing / Replacing
Scenario #1: You've reached a fork in your 5+ year relationship, and are now faced with a tough decision. Choosing to take the path on the right means you're making a conscience effort to work things out, chase your partner, if you will. Taking the path on the left means that you're done chasing pavements, and will look to start a new journey. Which path should you choose?
Scenario #2: After the 8th argument this month, your girlfriend storms out, and tells you never to call her again. Both of you said things that you probably didn't really mean, and the entire situation was a mistake. Now, that awkward moment starts to set in, and you must make a decision. Do you swallow your pride, and chase after her to address the issue, or do you just cut your losses and move on? What will you do?
Scenario #3: Define irony: You meet the man of your dreams while standing in line to buy sleeping pills. You all exchange contact information, and you feel really good about this guy. The first week or so, the communication between you all is strong, and it feels natural. However, you quickly realize that you seem to be the one that always initiates contact between you two. Should you continue with the 80-20 pattern of this potential relationship, or should you look for someone that's closer to the 51-49 effort you're really looking for in the beginning?
Three pretty common situations we'll most likely face in our adult lives, but three separate ways to look at the issue. In the first case, you'd probably consider the time you've invested into the relationship, and weigh the options of starting over vs staying put. The second scenario forces us to consider why things have been so rough within the given time frame, while also prompting up to look at both the past and the potential future. The last situation is a bit of a tough one, just because it's truly a "what if?" case, and those are always scary.
BUT WAIT, what about what popular society has to say? *gasp* Even there, we're given contradictory information. From our Rap role models, we're instructed never to chase anything except for money. However, from our [softer] R&B advice givers, you better beg until he / she takes you back. This just goes to show us that nobody really knows whether or not it's a better idea to either chase or replace someone. What a perfect way to transition into this topic....
I'm a Misfit, and well....I think one should both chase and replace. Call me indecisive, but in this situation, is there ever really a right answer? Now, my inability to chose stems from my (1) Issues with being able to let go of people, and (2) Not wanting to look stupid for chasing someone that doesn't want to be chased. I'm truly a basket case when it comes to making a decision like this, but [so far] it hasn't gotten me in any trouble. Wait, let me not lie, because I definitely have had some crazy sh*t happen, but this is a blog, not my journal. So, to provide further insight on why I drive straight at the fork in the road, I'll share me views on each of the three scenarios listed above.
#1 - Taking the "right" path: Look, 5 years is a long time, relative to someone in their twenties. This relationship probably started during a major milestone in your life (i.e. high school graduation, college graduation, new career, etc), and you feel as though you're connection with your partner is meant to be. He / she has probably seen you at your highest, and at your lowest, and you really appreciate that. So, when there's trouble in paradise, opt not to seek shelter. Instead, just enjoy the rain and the palm trees. Do whatever it takes to make it work, and fight for your relationship.
Being "left" with no choice: What's 5 years compared to the rest of your life? If the average life expectancy is somewhere near 70yrs old, devoting 5 years to something equates to less than 10% of that number, meaning that you have time to move on / do better. If you're seriously having to question staying in a relationship that is older than most TV sitcoms, that, in itself, is an indicator that it's time to move on. Save face, and do what's probably best for both of you.
2 - The chase: Foolish pride can lead to our demise. When we decide to not accept and admit fault for our own actions, we are hindering ourselves from life's natural progression. So what if you've argued 8 times this month on the same stupid-ass topic? At least you all are still communicating, right? I believe that is a clear indication that both of you are willing to work things out, and you should take the necessary actions to get the ball rolling. Truth be told, if you didn't care, the arguing would've probably stopped on the 2nd round. Be an adult, and fight for the relationship.
Chase is just a bank: The 8th time this month, huh? You're stupid enough to continue going back and forth on the same issue? You should've realized that by Round 2, this issue was way deeper than what it appeared to be. Hell, you probably know that the argument was just a way to see which one of you would bow out gracefully first. Well, I think it's your time to shine. The whole "agree to disagree" decision obviously isn't going to work this time, so it just might be time to move on. Be mindful of what you've learned, and apply it to future relationships. Thank me later.
#3 - 80 + 20 = 100: If you've ever been fishing, you know that in order to catch a fish, you'll end up doing 80% of the work, if not more. No prize-winning fish is just going to jump out of the water, and into your boat. It takes effort to obtain what you want in life. Remember the adage "Anything in life worth having is worth fighting for," right? Well, this is your chance! By actively chasing someone, you prove to them that you're genuinely interested in them, and that you're willing to put forth the necessary effort. Go ahead and catch the fish!
51 + 49 = 100: Fishing, eh? Approximately 70% of the World is covered by water. Remember the adage, "There are plenty of fish in the sea," right? Sh*t, there are tons of fish in the Gulf of Mexico. Sure, they're probably oily, but you can still go fishing. I guess what I'm saying is that there will probably be another person of your dreams, that will try just as hard as you will to make things work in the beginning. Wouldn't your time be better spent on someone that basically is competing with you to see who can say "Good Morning" first?
There you have it, folks. Hopefully, you can see why my views on this topic aren't black and white. Decisions of this magnitude probably won't decide the faith of the universe, but then again, maybe they could. In my humble opinion, I do believe that one should both chase and replace when the time comes. Now, it is totally up to you to decide how long you'll chase / how quickly you'll opt to replace. Good things come to those that wait, but waiting forever seems a bit too long, right? People live for the thrill of the chase, but running on a treadmill gets you nowhere. I just wish that there was a quick solution for this issue....because it would help me out tremendously.
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