Sunday, December 6, 2015

Short Story - Learning to Love: Chapter 4

"So Bianca, do you think that that cover was a good pitch?" Lost in thought, thinking about Jason. Thinking about what she is going to make for dinner. Thinking about what she is going to be doing for dessert, Bianca fails to hear her supervisor talking to her. "Bianca?" she repeats again. "Oh, I'm sorry, what did you ask me?"

After making it through the rest of the meeting, while actually paying attention, Bianca rushes through the rest of the things she needs to do before she can leave for the day. While on the phone with an agent of one of the authors whose book they are trying to publish, she searches recipes online. Trying to find something simple, but amazing to make. She has never cooked for him before. She wants it be great. 

By the time she gets out of the office, She has an hour and a half to get to the store, get home, change, and get dinner started. As she heads down the road, her phone rings."Hey Ma!" she says into the phone. Listening to her mother and her complaints about her dad haphazardly, her attention focuses mainly on what she is going to prepare for dinner. By the time she arrives at the grocery store she has settled on stuffed salmon, mashed potatoes and sauteed asparagus. In an effort to get her mother off the phone, "Ma, I am about to go in the grocery store, I got to go. But we can talk at Sunday dinner." Clearly her mother didn't hear her, or she is blatantly ignoring her attempt at ending the call, her mother continues, "And don't even get me started on Brooke. Her and her baby-daddy issues are getting on my last nerve." Looking at the clock and the amount of time she has left, Bianca again tells her mother she has to go. With a little effort, she is able to get off the phone and in the store. With only a few ingredients to get, she is in and out quickly.

Rushing down the road she begins to ponder her outfit. By the time she gets in the house and gets the potatoes boiling and the salmon in the oven she has about a half hour until Jason is expected to arrive. Jumping in the shower, Bianca's thoughts get clouded by Jason, and the evening, and the future, and what to expect. While she is trying not to get her hopes up, because he has disappointed her in the past, she cannot help but think about how things could be with them if he really does change.

As Bianca walks into her closet to begin getting dressed, her phone rings. "Ugh not again," she says as she reaches for her phone. "Hello?!" Bianca says into the phone. "Bianca, oh my goodness, I cannot deal with Wes and his bullshit. I am so tired of us having the same damn fight all the time." Brooke damn near screams in the phone. Now, Bianca loves her little sister, but she didn't have the time nor the patience to listen to her bitch about her baby-daddy right now. "Hey B, I can't really talk right now, I have plans. Can I call you later?" Bianca asks. "Bianca, I need to talk to you. Aren't sisters supposed to be there when you need them?" Brooke says, trying to play the guilt card. "I am here for you B, all the time, but I can't talk now, I have to finish getting ready. I promise we can continue to talk about Wes and his bitchassness, but not now." Exasperated, "Okay, B. I'll just call you later. Have fun on your date." Surprised that Brooke knows her so well, "Who said I was going on a date?" Chuckling Brooke responds "B, I've known you my whole life. Of course I know when you are rushing me off the phone for some dick. But it's cool. Have fun. Call me tomorrow." Laughing Bianca says goodbye and promises to call her back the next day. Brooke knows that Bianca has been dealing with a few guys, but doesn't know specifics. And definitely knows nothing of Jason. Bianca has never felt secure enough in their relationship, or whatever it is, to discuss it with her sister.

By the time Bianca mashes the potatoes, sautees the asparagus and opens the chilled bottle of wine, the doorbell rings. "Right on time!" Bianca thinks as she walks to the door. "Damn, you look beautiful" Jason says as he steps inside. He leans in for a kiss before Bianca can say thank you. Blushing Bianca invites him into the dining room where the table is set, and candles are lit. Walking in the kitchen to retrieve all of the food and wine, Jason follows. "Any way I can help?" he asks. "Sure help me bring this in the dining room" she retorts.

Sitting down to dinner, they discuss their days. Jason talks about this new contract he is trying to get to push himself forward in his career. She lends a supportive ear. She discusses this up and coming author that she is trying to convince her team they should publish. They talk and laugh throughout the whole meal.

When both plates are cleaned and both glasses of wine are empty, Bianca gets up to begin to clean the table. "Don't  do that," Jason says as she reaches for his plate, "let me. You cooked. Just refill the glasses and let me straighten up Woman!" Blushing, "Okay." While Jason begins to take the remaining food in the kitchen, Bianca grabs their glasses, and the bottle of wine and heads for the living room. As Jason begins to put the food away and load the dishwasher with the remnants of dinner, Bianca grabs her iPod and plays her "Get it Wet" playlist, to not so subtly set the mood.

Entering the dim lit living room, Jason smirks, "You tryna tell me something?" he asks. "Nah, just wanted something to play in the background." "Uhuh, sure." Jason chuckles. "I thought about you all day ya know. I don't know what you did to me last night, but damn girl." "Well, I assure you the feeling is mutual." Bianca says in response. Jason wraps his arms around her and pulls her into him and kisses her. Her arms wrap around his neck and his hands move slowly down her back. Deepening the kiss, Jason moves her on his lap so that she is straddling him. Bianca moves to his neck. Licking, and sucking, and kissing on him, making Jason squirm beneath her. Standing up, Jason grips her soft behind and Bianca wraps her legs around his waist as he walks them to the bedroom. Gently laying her down on the edge of the bed, he kneels on the floor. Slowing removing her shirt, bra and pants, so that Bianca is laying there in nothing but her panties. Leaning back over her, he kisses her. Then leaves a trail of kisses all the way down to her waist, until his teeth are on her panties, gently removing them without using his hands.

Getting back on the floor, he spreads her legs. He tastes her. She moans. Running his tongue across her clit slowly, he slides a finger inside. Quickening the pace of his tongue, he continues the manual assault. Bianca's moans are getting higher, and more consistent. Her juices are flowing, and Jason is catching every drop. Her hands are now on the back of his head, and he is flicking his tongue across her pearl. Meanwhile, he is removing his pants. Gripping his meat. Ready for her. She explodes on his tongue. Standing up, Jason rips off his shirt, and swifltly puts on a condom. Within 30 seconds he is inside her. "Ahhh" she moans out as she feels him stretch her. Pulling her closer to the edge of the bed, and placing both feet on his shoulders, Jason begins a slow deep stroke. With his hands on her waist, he pulls her into him with each thrust. She moans louder. Turning her on her side and keep one leg on his shoulders, he quickens his pace. She is gripping the sheets, and damn near screaming out. Gripping her ass, he pounds. The only sounds you can hear are Bianca's moans, her ass clapping and the wetness between her legs. "You about to make me come baby!" Jason moans out. "Oh Jason!" Bianca screams. And together they explode.

Jason removes himself slowly, and heads to the bathroom to remove the condom. As Jason walks back into the room, Bianca grabs her robe and heads to the living room. As Jason reaches down to grab his boxers, he feels his phone vibrating in his pocket. Reaching for it, he sees a text message from Her. *Hey. You decide if you are coming thru tonight?* Jason types her a quick reply, *I'll let you know* Before throwing his boxers on and putting his phone back in his pocket, she responds, *Okay, well call me before you come. I really do wanna see you. ;)* As he puts his phone down and jumps in the bed, Bianca walks back in the room, with both glasses of wine.

Laying back down, Jason wraps his arm around her. "So I was thinking," he says. "Thinking? I don't think I will have the energy to use my brain until morning after that" she says with a smirk. Laughing, "It's like that huh?" Not able to control her smile, "Absolutely. But what were you thinking?" "That we should get out the house. Ya know, get dressed, go out for drinks and maybe some dancing. I would love to see how you move." Jason says smirking. "I believe you already know how I move" Bianca says. "True, but you know what I mean. What do you say? Tomorrow night? Around 9?" Bianca kisses him. "Friday night on the town with you? What girl would say no to that?" He kisses her again. Her hands travel down to grab him. Stroking him gently. "Nah babe, we can't go again." Jason says sitting up. "He is telling me a different story." Bianca says eyeing Jason's dick print through his boxers. "As much as I would love to go for round two, I can't because then I would never leave." Trying to keep the disappointment out of her voice, "You're not staying?" Jason kisses her lips, to ease the blow, "I would love to Love, but I have to do some work tonight to prepare for that big meeting I was telling you about, And I know that if I stay here, I will not be productive." Trying to be supportive she says she understands.

Seeing the hurt on her face Jason decides to lay back and cuddle and chill with her for a little. Not wanting to hurt her, and feeling a little guilty for lying to her they make small talk. They talk about their families, and spend a little time getting closer. Learning more about each other, and making more jokes. After about an hour, Jason finalizes his decision to leave, and gets up and gets dressed to go. As Bianca walks him to the door, he grabs her hand. Once at the door, he leans down and kisses her. "So we are on for tomorrow night? Not too tired of me yet?" he smirks. "Not yet" she giggles, giving him another kiss. "Okay well I'll pick you up at 9" "Until then!" Bianca says as she wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him again. Allowing her tongue to slide in his mouth. Releasing him, they say their goodbyes and Jason leaves. As Bianca heads to her bathroom for a shower, Jason pulls out his phone. She has texted him again, *I'm wet, and ready, don't make me wait any longer* dialing her number, she picks up on the first ring. "Hey, yea, I'm on my way now." 

Friday, December 4, 2015

Mama Misfit Speaks, vol. 2

-- On Titties

Yup.  Titties.

But first, let me say,
 

Because it's important.  If you do it for 2 years or 2 days, congrats to you!  It's so many people got something to say... I'll get that to later.

Anyways...

Picture me 19 months into my breastfeeding journey (yea bih, 19 months) and I'm so tired of my breasts I don't know what to do.

Well, I do.

I WANT TO RECLAIM OWNERSHIP! Hello.  These are my titties.  Back away.  NO, there are no milks today.  Sorry.  Can't help you.  I would like them to be rubbed without the fear that milk will come exploding out the heauxs.  I would like to sleep all night without leaking.  I would like to sleep all night and not wake up to a tiny person with my nipple in their mouth.  No, you can't touch them just because they're there, small child.  Ouch, NO! DO NOT PINCH MY NIPPLE! No, my dear friend, my boobs are not yours.  I WANT FREE!!



There.  I've vented my frustrations.  Now to dig deeper.

Yes, I'm frustrated. Yes, I'm ready to wean.  NO, she does NOT bite just because she has teeth.  And, NO, that does NOT give you the right to try to judge me about how long I'm giving my child the best nutrition a mother can give.  Breastfeeding is a journey, a process, a relationship.  It's about nutrition as much as it is about bonding and learning self sufficiency and self soothing.  Just not giving her the titty will cause her as much anguish as it will cause me.

Yes, I'm working on decreasing my supply.  Yes, I'm restricting when she can nurse, and for how long soon.  We're still working on the need for mommy and her milks when something happens to sadden or startle her.

Yes, I'm ready to be free.  BUT, I'm not.  This is a very special time for us and I haven't found a way to replace it.  Not that I really need to, but...

Shit,  I'm just confused.

So, I watched the documentary "breastmilk" right?  It made me feel all the feels.  Breastfeeding is hard enough but do have to do it with NO SUPPORT?  No wonder many of these mothers didn't make it that long in their journey.  And the least supportive person around them is their spouse?  Fuck that.  I'll stay single.  Why? Because:

  1. My titties are not and will never be YOURS.  I don't care if you like to play with them.  I don't care if you miss them.  I couldn't even give a flying fuck if you're jealous of the baby because, wait for it....., IT'S A BABY!
  2. It's not easier.  I prefer popping my boob out at 3 am to having to get up a bottle.  The baby gonna cry any damn way!!  One of us is leaving the bed ANY DAMN WAY!  The bottle is not a quick fix.
  3. You think you don't get to feed the baby.  Well hell, how the baby gonna eat while I'm at work.  See, there's this miracle device (that makes me feel like Bessie the cow) that allows to be express my milk.  And put it in one of those bottles you love so damn much.  Here, feed the baby!
  4. IF YOU WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT THINKING YOU'RE HELPING ME BY SNEAKING AND GIVING MY BABY FORMULA I WILL KILL YOU!!! (watch the documentary)
But, I also noticed how few women of color were in the documentary.  (Shoutout to the black mother that breastfed for over a year and was able to donate her milk too!)  Of all the women in my generation in my family, I am the only one to breastfeed.  Why?  Because many of them haven't seen it before.  Because the WIC makes it so easy to just get your formula and move the fuck on. (Although, they are trying to increase the number of their clients that breastfeed by offering better food packages for breastfeeding mothers and free breast pumps)  Because they wanna drink freely, although KellyMom taught me...

I think another reason why we breastfeed at lower numbers is because of residuals from slavery.  I mean, honestly, we had to use our milk to feed Massas babies.  OUR milk!! For OUR babies! There's some dissociation between black women and breastfeeding because of that.  If you Google breastfeeding and slavery, you get pictures of black women nursing white babies.  And this is the reality of what I saw of black women breastfeeding until I became a mother myself.  I didn't think it was something we did.  But because my mom breastfed me I knew it would be would I would do as well.

As I type this, and breastfeed my daughter (AT THE SAME DAMN TIME), I really can't even express all the thoughts I have on the subject.  I feel bad for wanting to wean but I also don't want to...


(she is TOO damn long)

Sigh.

Signed,

Mama Misfit.


Napturally Yours -- Back to Basics

So the mini misfit is out like the DirecTV during a thunderstorm and I decided to finally show my hair some love after a few weeks.  I want to deep condition, try one of the awesome rinses I found here, and detangle the tresses.

So what do I do to kick the process off? Start rummaging around my kitchen, of course!  Because...


Anyway... Here are a couple lists of almost everything a naptural will ever need!

The Basics (Foods, literally in your kitchen):
EVOO- extra virgin olive oil (now is the time to get up on your acronyms too)
Coconut Oil
ACV -apple cider vinegar (for clarifying rinse)
Baking Soda (for clarifying rinse)
Honey (to be mixed with oil for deep condition)

The Basics:
Cheap Conditioner (like that $1 Suave coconut...)
Wide tooth comb or brush
Cotton t-shirt (because it can help to maintain your curls, or if you're curlless like me, it helps keep some moisture in your hair)
Spray Bottle (you'll be surprised how fast your extra thick hair will dry.  at the ends.  only)
Shower caps
Dryer of some sort (if you bout that life...)
PATIENCE...and the strength in your arms like Angela Basset in "What's Love Got To Do With It"



(DAMN Bih...)

The Fancy:
Brown Sugar (for a scalp scrub with the next item)
Cayenne (to stimulate scalp, and I like a tingle.)
An assortment of herbs (see rinses link above)
Shea Butter (because this..., although my scalp and I can't get with it)

The Pro:
Henna (Because that Henna Gloss..., although I am working on a modified recipe)
Assortment of Teas (Again, henna glass)
Neem (anti-everything miracle ass oil that stinks but my scalp praises it...)
Essential Oils (mostly for scent, but you have to be BOUT THAT LIFE)

Other things in your kitchen that might prove useful:
Eggs
Mayo
Lemon Juice
Bananas/Banana baby food
Advocado
Coconut Water

Just sharing a list of my favs today.  Maybe I'll explain in greater detail how some of this works at a later date.

Napturalista Out.

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Short Story - Learning to Love: Chapter 3

Walking towards the bathroom, Bianca smirks. "This nigga tryna make me late for work!" she thinks to herself. "So, what you say? Wanna christen the bathroom?" Jason says with a smirk. "I would love to, but I know that if you come in here with me, I'll be late to work." she says as she goes in the bathroom and closes him out. "Oh that is cold." Jason laughs as he walks to the living room to retrieve his clothes.

By the time Jason is fully dressed and placing both his and Bianca's leftover coffee cups in the trash, the shower is still running. Plopping on the couch and retrieving the remote, his phone buzzes. *Hey baby, you coming by tonight?* Ignoring the text, Jason puts his phone back in his pocket. Right then Bianca enters the living room fully clothed. "You look beautiful, even though I was kind of hoping you were going to come in here in a towel." Jason says with a smirk. "Why? So I would have to get in the shower all over again?" Bianca says with a chuckle. "So what are your plans for the day?" she asks with a bit of apprehension. Hoping that something he says includes seeing her again, but not wanting to give it away. Can't be too open. While Jason says he is going to do better, and that they are going to work on trying to build a future, he has let her down before.

"Well, I need to go home and shower and put on some fresh clothes," he says with a laugh, "then work. After that the gym of course. Then I was hoping to see you." Trying not to sound too excited Bianca says, "That can be arranged! How about I make dinner and you bring the wine?" Hoping that she would agree to seeing him again so quick he says yes. After discussing a time for him to return, he gets up to walk her out. After setting the alarm they head out the door towards Bianca's car.

Now while Bianca is pretty young, Jason too, she has done pretty well for herself. She owns a condominium and is currently whipping around in a 2016 Audi A3. All white. Leather interior. She is doing the damn thing. Jason has two vehicles. His motorcycle, which is his first love, and a black Cadillac Escalade. While Bianca is working at an up and coming publishing company, Jason is in advertising. In many ways, they compliment each other.

Arriving at her car, Jason pulls her into his arms. Placing his arms tightly around her waist, he kisses her lips gently. "I can't wait to see you tonight!" he says. "Neither can I." she smiles back. He kisses her again, and then opens her door for her. "Drive safe, have a good day at work. I'll see you later" Jason says. "I always drive safe!" Bianca says with a smirk as she gets into her car and buckles her seatbelt. Jason closes her door and she blows him a kiss. Standing there until she pulls off, Jason finds that he really is excited to see her again.

Once inside his truck, Jason pulls out his phone and decides to text her back.

*I don't think so. I have a lot to do tonight. Maybe tomorrow?*

*Tomorrow is no good, I leave for Dallas for that conference. I want to see you tonight, you cant't find time to squeeze me in ;) * She responds quickly.

Not one to text and drive, Jason waits until he gets home and is out of the shower before he responds. *I'll see what I can do* he tells her. Satisfied and confident that he has pacified her for now, he begins to get dressed for work. By time he is done, it is 5 minutes passed the time he should have left his house to get to work on time. Rushing out the door, Jason finds that he is still thinking about Bianca.

Once Jason is comfortably settled at his desk at work, with 2 minutes to spare, he decides to shoot Bianca a text *I miss you already, what have you done to me??* Getting straight to work Jason lays his phone to the side. After a meeting with his supervisor, and telling his assistant the things he needs her to work on, he is seated back at his desk when he hears his phone buzzing again, *Oh you haven't seen anything yet ;)*  Willing himself not to continue a conversation with her, he puts his phone down and gets to work. "Eight hours," he tells himself, "then I can see her again".

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Short Story - Learning to Love: Chapter 2

Beep! Bianca awakes with a start. "Damn" she thinks as she rolls over to turn off her alarm. Stretching, and reaching for her glasses, she feels the empty space in her bed, the space where Jason is supposed to bed. "Jason?!" she yells, a little bit anxious. "I know this nigga didn't leave in the middle of the night," she thinks as she gets out the bed and grabs her robe off the back of her door. Creeping down the hall to see if perhaps he is in the kitchen, she shakes her head. "I cannot believe him!" Heading back to her room to grab her phone preparing to call and cuss his ass out, the door opens.

"Good morning Beautiful!" Jason says as he walks in juggling a carrier with two drinks and a box of donuts from Dunkin Donuts. "Good morning," she says with a smile. Thrilled to see that not only did he not leave her in the middle of the night, but was sweet and thoughtful enough to go get breakfast, for lack of a better words, for the two of them. And more importantly, coffee. She cannot function without it. "I was worried you would wake up before I returned and think that I dipped on you," he says with a sly smile. She laughs, not wanting to admit that that is exactly what she thought. "So I got you a coffee, cream, no sugar. And a dozen donuts for us to pig out on. I know you don't eat breakfast when you have to work, but you need to have something in your stomach." Jason states as he places the coffees and donuts on the counter. She is astounded. "How does he know how I like my coffee," she wonders as she walks towards him. "How did you know I don't put sugar in my coffee?" she asks curiously. "Well, you have coffee and almost a full bottle of cream in the fridge, but no sugar. So obviously you drink the coffee, but you clearly don't need sugar for it." he says matter of factly. Not able to say anything she leans in and kisses his lips. "Thank you. Very observant and thoughtful of you!" Bianca says as she grabs the coffee he is passing to her. "I pay more attention than you think."

 Grabbing a donut and his own coffee, Jason heads to the couch. "So how did you sleep?" he asks with a smile. "Wonderfully," she says, "until I woke up alone. But I guess I'll pardon you for that since you brought me caffeine." she says with a laugh. "So," he says as he places his coffee on the table and scoots closer to her on the sofa, "what time you gotta leave for work?" Chuckling and placing her own coffee on the table she tells him that she has almost an hour before she has to leave. "Perfect!" he exclaims as he reaches for her and pulls her onto his lap. "I gotta say, it was very hard for me to leave your gorgeous, naked ass in that bed this morning. I don't care what anyone says, but 'morning wood' is a real thing." She laughs. "Well, now that you're back, I can gladly relieve you of that," she says right before kissing him.

He unties her robe, and pushes it off her shoulders. She lifts up enough for him to unzip and remove his jeans and boxers. Grabbing her face, his lips find hers again. He grabs her hair. "Mhmm!" she moans. And with the swiftness of a cheetah he is inside of her. "Ahh!" she screams. Gripping her ass, he strokes into her. Starting fast and deep. Their kiss gets more intense. Placing her hands on the wall behind them for balance, Bianca places the soles of her feet flat on the couch and begins to bounce. "Damn Baby!" he says as his strokes cease. Her ass is causing her to bounce right back up with each movement. Not able to contain himself he just sits there and takes it. Lets her take control. Putting her knees down again, she rides him like her life depends on it. He places his hand around her throat and begins to choke her, which causes her to ride him faster. "Lemme feel that wetness baby" he groans, "cum for me!" Picking up his stroke again he begins to match her. Smack! "Ahhh!" she screams once she feels the sting of his hand on her ass. "I'm cummin," she screams. He strokes deeper. She bounces higher. "Ahhh!" she exclaims as she explodes around him. "Mhmm!" he groans as he cums too.

She falls out on his chest, exhausted. "Damn, I could get used to this." she says before kissing his lips. "Oh really?" Jason says with a smile. Sliding out of her gently, Jason moves her back to the couch. Walking to the bathroom to remove the condom, he yells back, "You know one thing we haven't tried?" "What's that?" she asks as she walks in the kitchen to grab a donut. "The shower!" he says. And with that, she hears the water start to fall.

Monday, October 26, 2015

Short Story - Learning to Love : Chapter 1

"I'm fuckin DONE with these niggas", Bianca tweeted. Furious with the bullshit she had been getting from the men she had been trying to talk to, she threw her phone on the couch and headed for the shower throwing her clothes off all the way there. While bathing, she thinks she hears a knock on the door, but she isn't expecting anyone, so she just assumes its for one of her neighbors. A minute or so later she hears it again. She quickly rinses off and wraps herself in a towel and heads to her door, just to double check. She looks out the peephole, "HOLY FUCK!".

Jason is at the door. The fuck nigga that caused the tweet. Ya see, they have been talking off and on for the last year. He was the first guy she got romantic with upon moving to LA. But nothing has come from it. She liked him a lot. And the dick was uhhhhh-mayyyy-zing! But she was tired of his shit!

Opening the door slightly, she just stares at him. "You just gonna stand there, or are going to let me in?" he says, with that sexy ass look. "Why should I? You have been ignoring me for over a week, and then you just show up? I haven't seen ya ass in a month" she responds. "I know baby, and I'm sorry, lemme come in and explain." And then he flashes that million dollar smile, that she just cannot resist.

"Fine!" she says as she opens the door, trying really hard to seem pissed off. He looks at her, sees her body dripping wet, and can smell the sweet vanilla and coconut of her soap. Her towel is barely covering her round, voluptuous ass. "Well, what is your bullshit ass excuse this time Jason?" she asks as she sits on the couch. "Baby I'm sorry. I've missed you. After my brother died, I've just been sticking to myself. It has been really hard, And it is just easier to not talk to anyone. Everyone that I see be giving me that stupid ass 'aww he lost his brother look' and I hate it. I didn't want to see it on your face, so I've been staying away. But I'm sorry. I miss you." He says, and the way he looks, Bianca just swears he is about to cry. "After what? Your brother died, I thought he was just in the hospital! Why didn't you tell me? I want to be here for you, I can't if you don't talk to me." she exclaims. "I know, I know you do. I just, I don't know---". She cuts him off, "Jason the only way we can grow is if you talk to me. The only way you will get comfortable enough with me to talk to me when things are bad is if we spend time together and really get to know each other. It has been a year, and we are nowhere near where we could be. Nowhere near where I want us to be." She moves over to sit by him, He wraps his arm around her. She leans in and their lips meet. Their tongues slide against each other. As if they are getting reacquainted. Her hand is twisted in his locs, and his hand is sliding beneath the towel so he can grip her ass. "Mhmm" she moans.

"I can do better," he says in between kisses. "Just gimme a second chance". She knew the minute that she opened the door that she was going to give in, and now that he has explained himself, and she understands that he has really been going through something, how can she not forgive him?

She climbs on his lap, and lets her towel fall. She moves her kisses to his neck and begins to fumble with the zipper on his jeans. He puts his hands under her ass and grips her as he stands up. Kissing her all the way as he carries her to the bedroom. He lays her on the bed. Staring at her, as he removes his clothes. "Damn, she is beautiful" he thinks. He pulls her to the edge of the bed, and plants kisses from her foot all the way to the crevice between her thighs. "I want us to get to wherever the future can take us," he says in between kisses. Flicking his tongue across her clit, she cannot even think of a response. She is dripping wet. She hasn't been pleased by someone other than her own hands, in almost five weeks, and his tongue is feeling lovely. As his tongue laps up her juices, he slowly slides a finger inside of her. "Ahhh!" she moans. He adds another finger. As his finger penetrates her, his tongue continues its attack on her clit. "Cum for me baby," he grunts as he strokes his rock hard dick with his other hand. "Ahhhhh!" she lets out, as she cums.

As soon as she releases and he feels her muscles loosen up around his fingers he slides them out. Swiftly sliding a condom on he climbs on top of her. He kisses her, and she can taste her sweet juices on his tongue. As the kiss gets deeper, he slides in her, She gasps as her body opens up for him. He is giving slow deep strokes, making sure she feels every inch of him. "Mhmm" she moans. Lifting her leg to his shoulder to get a better angle, he digs in. He speeds up the stroke. Hitting her spot her orgasm begins. Her pussy tightens. He strokes faster. Using his hands to grip her ass, he pulls her into him. She is moaning so loud. She loves it when he grabs her ass, and he is hitting her spot. She explodes. "Gimme another one baby" he moans. Without stopping the stroke, he flips her on her stomach. Gripping her ass he begins to pound into her. All you hear is the moistness of her pussy and the smacking of her ass as it claps. Her moans have grown increasingly loud. She begins to back into him. She matches every stroke. Each time he throws it forward, she throws it back. He is speeding up, his orgasm is near, "c'mon baby, gimme another one before I explode" he urges. Deeper, and deeper. Harder, and harder.  "Ahhh! Jasonnnnn!" she screams as she explodes around his dick, and not more than a second later he explodes too.

He slowly pulls himself out of her and heads to dispose of the condom. Laying in sexual bliss Bianca cannot move. As he returns, she just stares at him, "Would you mind if I stayed?" he asks. Trying to contain her excitement, she sits up, "you mean the night?" He has never stayed the night, he may have slept in her bed for like an hour after sex, maybe even two, but he always leaves. They have never woken up together. "Yea," he smirks, "the night. I just want to hold you. And wake up to you. I told you, I want to try. I want to be better. You certainly deserve it, and I want to be the one to give it to you, and I don't mean just sexually." he chuckles. "Of course you can stay!" she exclaims as she leaps up and kisses him. Her hand wraps around his neck and she pushes her body against his. "Baby, unless you wanna go again, you better quit" he chuckles. With one last kiss, she grabs his hand and leads him to the bed. They lay down and get under the covers. She turns on the TV and turns off the light.

With his arm wrapped tightly around her waist and her body fitted tightly against his, she feels as if she is in the safest place in the world. "Baby," she says. He is knocked out, but with her back to him, she cannot see that. "Baby, you sleep?" she asks again. "I will love you, if you let me" she whispers, and closes her eyes.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Mama Misfit Speaks, vol. 1

-- On mother's guilt
I've never heard the term mother's guilt thrown around more until after I gave birth. It's like my mother was just waiting to drop that bomb on me.  

Why couldn't you have prepared me in advance? Afraid my pregnancy hormones couldn't take it? Bullshit. 

Anyway, mother's guilt is this inescapable pain that causes you to feel bad about literally everything you do.   

Ex:
How could I do that to my baby? I don't need to work.
My baby's crying because I'm in the shower. I can be dirty.
How dare I consider going to school? My child needs my undivided attention at all times.

It's kind of like a "can't win for losing" type situation. And the guilt is immense. Comes in waves.
And no trigger is greater than when you see parts of your mother, the parts you never aspired to be, peeking through.   

Ex:
Gawd, I said I was never going to do that to my child.
Now she's/he's gonna end up just like me. I wanted better for my baby.
My child's going to resent [this] part of me forever.

And so on and do forth. You fight to climb on top the slump.

At this time it's best to stop and put yourself in your child's shoes. And your mother's. When my mom possibly felt this way, what was I thinking? How much I loved her? How she was my whole world? The greatest ever? Or that she was failing miserably at this thing called parenting? (Please don't thing of yourself in your teenage angsty years. You know you needed to be popped in the thoak. Yes, thoak.)

Also, take the time to acknowledge the fact that you are not yet experiencing grandparent's guilt, which has to be 10 times worse than mother's guilt. Seeing the parenting traits that you aren't so proud of in action? Finally understanding both sides of the argument? Wishing you could go back and fix things? And on top of that not being warned that it exists?!???!!
My mother's guilt feels a lot lighter now.

Signing out,
Mama Misfit

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Napturally Yours - the intro

I've been tiptoeing around the idea of blogging about natural hair for a minute. Not to give advice, because there is enough of that out there. Good and bad. I just want to vent.

I invite you to explore the misfit posts that already shed my view on the subject, one and two before I go any further.

In my last post, I explored the topic of natural conformity or what is most expected and accepted from naturals. The curls. And I went on to explain how I didn't appreciate the fact that my coils are overlooked and not deemed as worthy. I listed the things I wouldn't do to my hair, heat training, and how I felt these things took away from the natural "movement". I feel now I have some explaining to do.

Rarely do you see me with my coils free. Yes, combing them daily does cause stress I do not wish to expose my hair to. And I'm lazy and detangling takes a while. Yes, when my hair is free 75% of the time I'm sporting curls. Normally an out of some type. But please,

Don't take my twist/flat twist/knot out for conformity to mainstream standards of what natural beauty should be under the all time supreme white standard. I like curls just as much as a white chick but I'm growing to resent them. It makes me feel like I'm giving up on my coils so that my hair will be more widely accepted. To which I truly say I don't give two left foot shoes what somebody thinks I'm doing. I still don't confirm. I still don't give a fuck about your opinions. I still love my kinks, I just want to keep them safe.

What am I trying to say? What's the point?

Love who you are naturally, in whatever form it might take. But do what it takes to protect your edges. Lol

I love my kinks. Fuck the status quo. I think I may have just created another way to divide us and I'm not even working for sir whitey, but you must admit you've noticed the lack of kinks/coils in "acceptable" natural platforms.

Whatever. I'll make more sense as I keep blogging on the topic.

Napturally yours,

Mama Misfit

Sunday, July 19, 2015

ACEM Part 37

--On spirituality

As I sit in bed regretting not going to church today, but this headache is whupping my ass, I thought about something.

I originally had this thought when I was asked why I went back to church.

So, let's backtrack.  I was raised Catholic.  Got all my necessary sacraments.  Was happy.  After Katrina, my church was closed, probably because the Archdiocese didn't appreciate the coins we were running them.  I didn't have a church home and visited a lot of churches I ended up not liking because they preached intolerance.  And as someone who identifies as an other, AND never encountered such bull in my home parish, I pulled away for the church altogether.

But here comes baby girl and I just want her dipped in the water, which I know will be a challenge for me as an unwed mother, but really the Catholic church need to get it's head out it's ass and realize it's flock may wander.  Just like them priest did.  And where is the flack for the unwed fathers?  It's not like we knock ourselves up.

Anyway,  the real  bottom line is I don't think I can teach my child spirituality.  Why?  Simple.  Her soul ain't mine.  Has different needs.  I've seen this with my mom trying to help me out but my soul was like "see the way I'm set up..."

The foundation of my spiritual beliefs come from my church days.  I sang with the choir, loudly.  And when I was finally able to  join the choir I got the nickname "lil miss big mouth".  Cuz I held it down for the sopranos, lol. 

It wasn't until I did a lot of growing and maturing, and exploring did I realize my religion is the arts.  Whether I'm good at it or no.  Singing, acting, dancing: my praise and worship; along with the sound of the water, water in general, and firming planting myself (especially belly button) to the earth.

But this talent I found in church and still do. Yes I receive the word, but the music...

I don't know what will please my daughter's spirit but I want her exposed to whatever can help her grow up happy and healthy, mentally and physically, and SPIRITUALLY.

I think this is just food for her toolbox.  No matter what religion she becomes or what or who she believes in, she will always know her form of worship is hers and acceptable.

Now who wants to volunteer to expose her to other things like yoga and mediating?
because my spirit
CAN'T!!!!

I'm serious tho.

Mama Misfit, out.

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

The Adventures of a College Educated Misfit 1.1

--On Natural Hair, again.

First off, it's been like a year since anyone has decided to grace this page and embrace there Misfit heritage.

Second, it's been almost 3 years since the very first #misfit post on this very topic.  But, alas, I have returned to vent about my hair journey.

So, I had a baby girl.  With a head full of hair and I decided there is no way in hell I'm combing both these heads.  So, I loc'd up.

Almost a year later, I had the worse case of hair envy ever experienced in my life.  Fellow #misfit, Carmen's hair was blossoming.  Lava is transitioning.  And all of a sudden I missed the struggle.  I wanted to detangle, deep condition, CHANGE STYLES. And thus began the journey to detangle my locs.  Now, if I had to do this again I would be a bald head heaux cuz it took me all of a month to get it all done.  Hours of my Saturday's were taken just trying to get this done.  Whole seasons of series were watched on Netflix while I got this done.  AND I'M FINALLY FREE!!!!

But, here's why I'm really here.  While loc'd up, I saw so many pictures of women with natural hair.  And they were all gorgeous!  But what bothered me is that they were only one type of woman with natural hair.  The only kind that is accepted -- The Curly.

Enter my rant.

Now while I love a good curl and can appreciate another woman's curls, why does she have to be the epitome of natural beauty?  I thought this movement was to embrace hair in it's natural form, not what kind of curl I could achieve with a shit ton of "natural" products.

As I've said before,  I have the kinkiest of hair.  And I FUGGIN LOVE IT!  I don't need to be validated by mass media, but, damn, would it kill y'all to show a woman with hair like mine?  Whose afro is true to the meaning and not curls teased to achieve the look?  Coils in their on perfect perfection?

It's seems as though natural hair cannot be accepted unless it conforms somewhat to the all time pedestal holding white standard of beauty.  Why does my natural have to...

Basically, what I'm trying to say is don't shit on my coils.  Pure and simple.  Because beyond the naturals that do get some coveted air time, in the natural community coils aren't appreciated for how awesome they are.  There is so much pressure to "relax" your curls!  And here I am thinking we are disowning the creamy crack, the RELAXER!!!

No!  If you don't have naturally perfect curls or aren't working to achieve that you're natural ain't shit.  And to that I say...


You wish you had coils like mine!  You wish your hair would let you perfect the Mother Africa Afro!  You wish your hair could loc as easily as mine!  You wish your hair was as healthy as mine!

Tryna give me some bullshit bout how easily my ends break.  Bish, I know how to properly detangle my natural.  I've been doing this shit almost 18 years.  The natural bandwagon you jumped on started YEARS later.  I learned how to manage through straight up trial and error.  You had your hand held through this struggle, with a fucking silver spoon in your mouth.

And you're not even all the way NATURAL with all those CHEMICALS and HEAT you putting in your hair.  But I digress...

Misfit Out.

P.S.  I still love CurlyNikki and KinkyComber is life!