Adventures of a College Educated Misfit Part 8

Ok, so I'm addicted to the Tamar Braxton song "Love and War".  Listening to it right now actually.  You should check it out.

Confession: I want love, not war. That's all I can deal with right now.  Some of y'all will see nothing wrong with that statement.  Let me explain.

Last week, some older women told us younger folk in the room that love shouldn't hurt. While I sat there trying not to tell them they were fucking lies, I tried to open my mind up to their opinions.  But I found myself siding with the young, newly wed mother sitting beside me.  Love does hurt sometimes.  And the fact that I can say that has nothing to do with some dude beating my ass.  If love caused me physical pain, I'd be sitting in St. Gabriel right now because dude would be DEAD. But love causes emotional and psychological pain like a muthafugga, in a non abusive way.

Here's how I see things.  Not many people will agree with this, that's what makes me a misfit tho.  I am a firm believer in balance.  And while love and light is all good, sometimes there will be fear and darkness.  And if you thing their is something wrong with embracing fear and darkness, you have a problem with being a human being.  In my opinion, you are striving too hard for perfection that you will never find.  Through living, embracing and conquering fear and darkness you find love and light.  But you have to fight to get it.

What I'm trying to say is I want a balanced life.  I will take the good and the bad any day over just the good.  There is no struggle in good.  No growth.  No purpose.  I need little dark reminders of who and who's I am, as well as who and what I love.

Now it seems like I'm contradicting myself, I know.  Let me explain that too.  At this point in life, I have enough war, battle, struggles, etc...  All I want is love.  And I know that I cannot have it that way, which makes it even worse.  This is where my 5 challenge comes in and fucks me up completely; my friends know all about that, I ain't telling y'all...  I want all the things "convenient" of love without the fight.  It's impossible for me to attain, and as I write this, I'm starting to reevaluate how I should go about fixing this.  Doesn't stop it from being the truth, won't stop me from looking for it.

I guess this blog is two-fold : I want what I can't have and I want what others fear/dislike/don't understand.

But, I on't be carin...

I'm a #Misfit.