Not quite on being an independent woman or independence at all...
First off, I'm not the type to write a response. We #Misfits need to be allowed to roam free, and this is our sanctuary...however, I read this here and was like... something's missing.
I do not know why this post made me think of independent ratchet bitches, ones that live and die by that Boosie song. It also made me think of chicks that are just angry, or scared. This is where I come in.
I am not an independent woman. I know the difference between being an "elite independent woman" and being self sufficient. No one wants to be alone. Everyone needs someone. Some find that in the love of a spouse, some in the love of a child, an offspring.
The anger of an independent woman is not the anger of an independent woman. How many women these days were raised in a single parent household? How many of the fiercely independent woman have, dare I say it, DADDY ISSUES, along with all the other issues that can challenge ones self worth and needs?
Let's dig deeper into what daddy issues are if you didn't click the link, and the different ways they can manifest. My one account can not begin to explain the way these issues does/does not effect/affect (i have to learn the difference one day. i admit it) all the fatherless girls out there.
In my experience, true daddy issues do not manifest until you've been in a relationship. If you make it through your first one successfully, without learning any painful truths, congrats. You are not one of us. But if learn that although your self esteem is at a decent level but you're self worth is all fucked up, congrats. You are one of us, and maybe you are ready to grow.
Let me try to break this down for a male to understand. If you can't deal with our baggage, leave us the fuck alone. We need to make forward progress, and while pain can help up progress....
ok.
1. We have a desire to be loved by our significant other like no other. This can apply to lesbians too; I've seen it. We will love you til our skin bleeds, heart breaks....Romeo and Juliet type, mostly one-sided love. We put up with shit that most women would look at us and wonder what the fuck is wrong with us. But we are looking for a love and acceptance that we will never find. We are looking for a father. We're the chicks that don't look at you crazy when you ask us to call you daddy...
2. The anger. While we have a strong desire to love and be loved and accepted and cherished and honored..., we have a bitterness that matches that desire. That bitterness/anger is attached to our questions and fears, all leading back to daddy. But let's focus solely on the anger. Sometimes, we don't need a man for shit. We've come this far without one. Now you already know we have this longing for love, so you know we don't want to be alone. But we will, because we have not seen it in it's true form (cuz tv don't count) and don't know how to place it in our lives. At this point the anger is still strong within us, we want but don't need. And then we go through that line of un-self-fulfilling relationshits.... different story, different day.
Sometimes, it is our mother's who have influence our views on men. Passing their bitterness for having to raise us alone down to us but making side and snide comments about our fathers. These are the people who raised us; their views stick to us like glue. Take me for instance, I was raised by the strongest matriarchal line. All the men in my immediate family (that I did not have a strong dislike for) were dead by the time I was 6. So I had NO male influences in my life. And while my mother never said anything against my father and encouraged me to reach out to him, my reality stopped me. My mother was never in a relationship, that I knew of, when I was growing up. The old love around me was quickly ending in death. These women then focused on their children and grandchildren. When I was little, I had a billion barbies and 1 ken doll (eventually 3). He helped make the king cake babies. I'm going to far into this. Just know that the messages we receive from other mothers, blatant or subliminal, help shape our anger and bitterness and fierce independence.
3. ...but it's mostly just fear. Of the unknown. We do not know a man's role in our life. How we should act. What to do. How this works. And until we are secure enough in ourselves and self worth to venture out and try something new and learn something, we will shake at the feet of relationships. We are not looking for professors, teachers, or even books. We can learn by trail and error but we do require that you have a little bit of patience with our fragile asses. If you are not up to the challenge, don't sign up. Don't halt the progress we are making. Even if we want it. Let us know. It will hurt, but we'll get over that much easier.
This is all I'm gonna share before this turns into a full fledged rant.
P.S. Look, while I have strong dislike for beyonce and would love to pin this all on her, she ain't eem part of this.
No comments:
Post a Comment