Adventures of a College Educated Misfit Part 6.1

....On Virginity

I remember it like it was yesterday.....[insert dream-like flashback music and cloudy scene]

I'd just slipped on my favorite Girbaud jeans, well technically, my only pair of Girbaud jeans at the time, my FUBU jersey was on the hanger, ready to be thrown on, my diamond-faced watch was bling-blinging, and of course, my Reebok Soulja's were fresh. It was the night of my first High School dance, and I was ready for action. The entire car ride there, I kept thinking about all the girls I would dance with / on, the phone numbers I'd collect, and the thongs I'd possibly catch a glimpse of. However, when my Mom's Navy Blue, 1998 Dodge Caravan pulled into the parking lot of the school's Gymnasium, she expressed to me that what I have is a gift, and that I should only share that gift with someone special. [back to reality]

I'm a 27 year old venture capitalist, with an impeccable stock portfolio, and a perfect gift....myself. I took heed to my Mom's words of wisdom, and opted to remain a virgin until after I'd found and married the perfect woman for me. Yes, I understand that seeking perfection within imperfect people is futile. Well, I just believe that when I find her, she'll be perfect for me.

Now, I bet that you're already assuming that something has to be wrong with me. Maybe my body type isn't athletic, or my penis size is laughable, or that I just have nothing worth looking at. Hell, you probably believe that I'm one of those crazy people from that show Trout....wait, maybe it's Catfish? Tuna? Whatever. Well, you're wrong. See, when my Mom married my Dad, they were virgins, and that was the ultimate gift they could ever give to each other.

Sure, I've had girlfriends in the past, and all but one left me after finding out I was a virgin. The one girl that managed to stick around was also a virgin, but she kept talking about memories and memory foam mattresses, D's and V's, and something about bourgeois vagina. She was just as awkward as I was. I wonder what happened to her?

It amazes me how easily people give away sex. You can buy it off the Internet, find it in the casino, hell, two of my co-workers have sex in the file room every other Wednesday evening. Some of my friends have had sex with people they met in the Wal-Mart checkout line. Sex might be great, but having standards should take precedence....right?

I mean, wouldn't you prefer a new car, as opposed to one that's dented with 100K miles on it? How about a fresh banana, versus one that's bruised and browning? Anyway, I just truly believe that the best gift a person can offer is themselves, especially if they're still pure. It's the one gift that keeps on giving, but ironically can only be given once. So, I'm willing to wait for someone special to give my something special to.