On love, not so much on war...
why is it so difficult to find love, or more so to keep it. i have found love. 2 real times i would say. one time lasted way longer than another. but i can remember them both like they were yesterday. i just like everyone i believe just want love.
for the sake of this entry, i should define what i feel love is:
for one it is hard to describe and whatever definition i provide will never put it in the correct words. it may be different for everyone. but for me, love is when you wake up in the morning with someone on your mind and fall asleep with them in your thoughts. its when you worry more about their well being than your own. it is when you would do any and everything to make sure that they are happy, even if that means hurting your own feelings. love is knowing the good the bad and the ugly and still wanting them to be apart of your life. love is when you cannot imagine life without the other person and cannot really remember life before them. it is the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach and deep within your heart when someone else says there name, you hear their voice or you see or smell or hear something that reminds you of them. love is knowing that you could be with them for the rest of forever and not get bored. love is being happy with someone even when everything else in life is not going the way you want. being happy when you really are not happy.
that is one way i can put love in words. and for me it is everything. i have always been the girl that expected to go to college and find my future husband---along with get a degree and decide what i wanted to do with the rest of my life. well actually when i went to college i thought i had already found my future husband--which obviously turned out to be false. anyway after that i just knew i would find him. but that definitely is not happening, i went to the wrong college for that. anyway, i just thought that this is the time. the time in my young life that love would find me for good. as a senior now i figured my future husband and i would be deciding where we wanted to go after graduation and where we wanted to start our future together. but that is not the case. i am going to graduate single and make these decisions alone. but i am at the point in my life--and yes i am still quite young, 21 to be exact---where i am ready to find love, and make it last. i want all those things i mentioned above. that is really one of the only things in life that i know i want.
but how do you find it? where do you look? when do you know that it is too late and that you lost your chance on love? how do i know that one of my past loves was supposed to be my future love and that it just got messed up? how do you know?
this rant may seem very random, and i guess it kinda is, but my point is that love exists, we just have to learn to find it. we have to understand that it will be different for all, and that maybe it is not something you want. i am a strong believer in everything happens for a reason, and if it is meant to be it will be. i guess i just have to remind myself that. and if you or any of my other #misfits are asking any of the questions i posed, you have to remember it too.
i guess i and all of you just need to have faith. . .
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